Tuesday, June 5, 2012

"Why not do I have..."

*This post may go places that cause some readers (if I have any left ;) much discomfort and for that I apologize, but it IS true to form of what has been happening in our little world as of late.  You've been warned! :)


This is how many of Luke's questions start out when he can't have something that he wants.  I usually like answering his questions, but as of late his BIG question has been stirring up lots of things that I thought I had a fairly good handle on as of recent years.

Over the past month or so, the ending to his question is "...a brother or sister to play with?  I want one!"

WHAM!  Infertility has stuck its ugly head up again and it came at me in the body of an almost 5 year old.

It gets even better when the question comes in this form..."Mom, do you have a baby in your belly?"  I always say "No, my body hasn't ever done that or worked that way."  To which he replies, "Get one in your belly Mom! "Why not can you get one?"

Oh how I wish this terrible thing would only have ever affected Scott and me...I hate that it's ugly fingers are now affecting my child!

I tell him how blessed we are to have him and that he has cousins who he can treat like brothers and sisters, but  when time with any of them is too far and in between, even ones who live close, he doesn't really buy it.  Plus, they all have their own siblings and with that comes him naturally being held at a different status by them...he is a "cousin" not a "brother" even though he himself would love for that feeling to be different on everyone else's part.

It hurts when he sooo wants someone else to play with (besides me of course :) and there just aren't any good options at these points most of the time.  Either people with kids around the same age aren't home; or the parents are at work/kids at daycare; or it comes up late in the day and going to a friend's house would take a bit of a drive which would mean getting there around supperish time, or a spur of the moment type of play date is not overly welcomed due to schedule conflicts, etc, etc, etc.

There also seems to be an abundance of pregnancies announcements/births, as of late, which are wonderful things to celebrate, but which also takes us back to his second question and why I don't have a baby in my belly.   He tells me "it's not fair" and "[insert name here] don't need another brother or sister.  [insert name here] already has one...can I have it?"  or "Can [insert baby's name here] be my brother/sister too?"

How do you explain to a 4 1/2 year old that the world just doesn't seem fair sometimes and that sometimes there is just not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it?!

I'm so glad that he is growing up, but I hate that he is now getting big enough that our grownup problems can now in their own unique way upset him too!

I'm sure there are many benefits to being an only child, but being forced to be/have an only child due to infertility is definitely NOT one of them.  Sorry bud!

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