Tuesday, June 30, 2009

(B)eat it!

I love making up my own words to songs as I am singing them & have come up with several dandies in the past, but none as good as Weird Al. So I thought it would be fitting to do a post in honor of recent events.

Watch this & then watch this...

RIP MJ

Monday, June 29, 2009

One cannot live on Fruit Loops alone...

or can he?

Luke is becoming less of a picky eater, but he still has his days sometimes.

Today was one of those days!

Everything I offered him (& I offered many of his favorite things, mind you), he would look at me & politely say "Nooo."

"Well, what do you want then?" his frustrated mother would reply.

"Fwoot Woops" he said (at breakfast, snack, lunch, snack & supper times-normally they might make the cut for ONE snack time every few days)

So I gave him the d*&# Fruit Loops several times :)

No worries, he did manage to add in about a handful of grapes, 2 cookies & a spoonful of lettuce salad throughout the day too along with plenty of liquids. But, oh, the poor oatmeal, banana, applesauce, sandwich & spaghetti that bit the dust without being touched (unless you count using it to decorate the himself, the table top & the floor-does he get nutritional value by osmosis maybe?) just broke my heart :( So much effort on my part~so little enjoyment out of it on his! *sigh*

Is it wrong to say that I am glad he will be going to the babysitter's for at least 1 meal tomorrow?! ;)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

"Fun" Saturday :)

Sooo...I meant to get this posted yesterday & didn't quite make it :)

I was trying to decide what to post here yesterday & then Luke was kind enough to provide the story for me!

Luke had just finished up his afternoon snack & I was trying to figure out what we were going to do next when he said "Bike"..."ride?"
I said "Oh, Luke, that is a great idea! Let's go on a bike ride that will be fun." (It did sound like fun, but I was also very aware of the fact that it was VERY HOT outside too-fun!)
I got his juice cup all made up & we headed out to the garage. I hooked him all up in his 'straight jacket' bicycle seat & rolled the bike outside. I went to sit on the bike and only then did I realize that my bum was sore...from riding the bike the day before. What could I do? This little guy behind me was expecting a bike ride now & I didn't want to waste all of my effort of getting his cup ready AND getting him into his seat :) And get this, it wasn't only my bottom, but also my thighs once I started pedaling along that were sore too. (Have I ever mentioned that our road is full of lots of very 'subtle' hils that you don't notice so much when you're walking on them, but they are very noticeable when riding a bike on them!) So I toughed it out for at least 1 1/2 miles-fun! Anyway, we eventually made it back to our driveway, which by the way has the steepest hill of the whole ride, yeah, I know-fun! I got off the bike & started to push it towards the garage when all of a sudden I hear Luke say:

"FUN!"

All I could say was "Yes, Luke it was fun."
In fact, that made it all totally worth it & actually I did enjoy it, but I think maybe tomorrow we could...

let dad do it ;)

And for more "FUN!" I hope the following videos help everyone to stay cool-I know I am (& you can interpret that anyway you'd like too :)

The version I love:



And one that I thought was funny:

Thursday, June 25, 2009

How are You?

"Fine" "It's fine" "It's okay"

My standard answers to this question over the past 3 weeks.
Are they lies? Some days yes...Some days no.

Today, a little bit yes. "Baby E" already seems like eons ago in my head. Maybe that is my mind's way of coping, I don't know, but it truly does feel like it happened "so long" ago now. Yet, when I actually let myself sit down & think about it for very long-I realize that he is only 3 weeks old today & that is not that long ago. I would have had a 3 week old baby in my arms today if all had gone as planned...

but it did not & so here I sit.

Am I walking around ready to fall apart at any second? No, but that doesn't mean that I am not still grieving for what "might have been"

Does it hurt to see others' with their babies? Yes, but not in a spiteful way, just a sad for what we could have been experiencing with"Baby E" at this moment way

Honestly, I haven't figured out which is better yet-seeing people who we know, but no nothing about what happened & trying to pretend that everything has been fine & dandy for the past few weeks or seeing people who know, but are afraid to talk about it because it might upset us or people who give us the "oh I just can't imagine...". No...you can't, but at least we know that you care & are thinking of us. Of course, some of this is just me too because I know that I don't want to be asked about it constantly, but I am also not afraid to talk about it either so I am sure that I have sent out plenty of mixed signals to many of our family & friends. Although, I have a strong feeling that this is all just part of the "process" too.

I do know that I don't want people to...

use their most "sympathy filled" voices to talk to me-it is sad that it happened, but I promise you that I am not walking around all day just waiting for the first chance to have an emotional breakdown for you just because you're talking about it :)

act like it never happened or gloss over it with a "there will be another baby"-just because it may not seem completely "real" to you because you didn't witness it or see the baby-I promise that it was very real for us

believe me completely when I say that I am just "fine"-just being willing to listen instead of asking lots of questions about it will help more than anyone could ever know.

I also know that...

we have already received countless understanding & support from so many of our family & friends & other bloggers and for that I say "THANK YOU!"

I know that we will come through this stronger than we were before & that maybe one of these days we will have another little baby to hold in our arms & raise as our own, but for the moment I just might need to dwell on "what might have been" occasionally for a while yet & figure out the answer to the question that has brought all of this up again these past few days...

"What do I do with the pictures we took?"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Welcome Back Scotter!

It's been 6 1/2 months since you lost your job...

6 1/2 months of quality time spent at home with our son (something many "breadwinner" dads never get the chance to experience)...

It has unexpectedly turned into a 'nice' experience for our family as far as being able to do things as a family at the drop of a hat, but it also means that...

6 1/2 months of job searching & worrying have finally come to an end!

Welcome back to the workforce Scott-Luke & I both hope that your new job will be great!

Enjoy your first day back to work tomorrow. :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

A "Tail" of two boys...

"Luke & Bert"

Scott's parents left for the weekend & put Scott in charge of checking on the house & animals. On Saturday morning, Luke went along to "help". About 5 minutes later, I heard them come back into the house, which seemed pretty quick for being done with what they were doing. All I could hear was "meow, meow"...and thought 'Luke must have seen the cats & is pretending to be one again'. :)

Nope!

Scott was carrying Luke AND a little gray & white kitten. He said that it was just sitting by one of the dog houses & he found it when he went to feed the dog. We called one of the neighbor's to see if they had one lost, since we knew they had some around the same age & they said that they also had a kitten show up at their house that didn't belong to them. We all figured that someone probably either "dumped" a litter nearby or just picked houses where they thought the kittens might get "taken in".

Well, it seems that the kitten Scott found is a boy so I named him "Bert", which Luke took a liking too right away & we got him a nice little 'home' set up on the front porch. We can tell that he was well taken care of (except for the dumping part that is) & has been handled quite a bit & Luke LOVES him already. They make quite the pair actually.

Luke walks around saying "Boort" & when we bring him in to pet/play with for a little bit, he walks around carrying him saying "Boort...Food" :) He is definitely worried about Bert not eating enough. He also really likes to carry Bert, give him hugs & licks (a little gross, I know) while saying 'aahh' & Bert doesn't seem to mind one bit. He just lets Luke carry him, with his feet hanging out & has not once tried to scratch him even when Luke put his face right up to the dog's face!

I think this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship...(as long as Bert can survive out here in the 'wilderness' :) but that's a story for another day!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

"Kitchen Cleaning" Saturday

All right, I finally am doing this-I'm not sure how often this "theme" will get done, but since my family is celebrating Father's Day tonight, I had to come up with something to make.

I was in charge of desserts so I went with some "oldies, but goodies" & these two recipes will be the first ones put back into my recipe box!

They're both super easy to make & quite yummy~Enjoy!

Scotcheroos:
Stir & cook 1 C sugar and 1 C white corn syrup just to a boil. Add 1 C Peanut Butter & stir until melted. Remove from heat & add 5 1/2 C crisped rice cereal. Quickly put mixture in a 9x13 pan. Melt 2 C chocolate chips & 1 C butterscotch chips. Spread over cereal mixture & chill until chocolate hardens.

Homemade Ice Cream:
Beat 6 eggs. Add 3 C sugar & beat. Add 2 T vanilla & 3 cans sweetened condensed milk-stir well. Put in freezer can & fill to just below top bar on beaters with whole milk. Let your ice cream maker to do the rest :)

Friday, June 19, 2009

"Fun Friday" :)

Here's a joke I was sent that I found quite humorous maybe because I grew up in an area with such a strong German heritage. It's a shorty, but a goody! :)

Q: What type of bra is found in Germany?

A: (say it fast now) "Holtzemfromfloppen"

Thursday, June 18, 2009

"Running Record" Thursday

Book #17: The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella

This book was about a woman named Samantha, who is an attorney who makes a big mistake (something she has never done before) & has just lost her chance at becoming a partner in the firm she works for. She leaves in the middle of the day, in shock, & ends up on the doorstep of a big, beautiful house where she is mistaken for a housekeeper applicant. She knows nothing about anything domestic, but gets herself hired anyway. She ends up learning to cook, clean & do laundry as well as several other important lessons along the way.
I really enjoyed this book & had never read anything by this author before, but I will definitely be reading more of her books! I liked the idea that she was able to find "peace" in normal everyday domestic jobs. I could identify with her in that respect because I know that I feel most at peace when my home is in order too (it's just too bad that it never stays that way :) There were several times in this book where I literally "laughed out loud" & that rarely happens even when I do think the material is humorous. It also reconfirmed for me that I would never want to be a lawyer!
Thanks to one of my coworkers for letting me borrow it! :)


Book #18: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adopted Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

To be honest, I did not really enjoy reading this book & not because I am insecure about anything related to being an adoptive parent, but because I felt like it portrayed adopted kids as always walking around under a "cloud of sadness." I agreed with this book on the idea that there are many issues that are tougher for adopted kids & that adoptive parents need to be open to being able to talk about those things freely with their children. I did think that this book would be fantastic for a child/parent who was part of a closed adoption & who may only know very little or nothing about the birthparents of the child. I also think it would be great for anyone whose adoption has been hidden from them & told that their biology was the same as that of the adoptive parents or whose family refuse to talk about anything related to the adoption.
Since, Scott & I have always been very clear with each other (& hopefully Luke & any future children will think we have been with them too down the road) about the fact that our child(ren) will know that we are always willing & open to the idea of talking about the adoptions, discussing what we know about the birth families, helping them to connect with them if they want to at some point, or anything else that may cross their minds in relation to their adoptions-I was left more with the feeling of "How could those parents react that way?" in regards to the examples given in the book. I did, however, think that a few of the sections did offer very good advice for us too even though we are fairly comfortable with this "adoption stuff", especially the section on iniating conversations with the child about their birth families & the section on why certain special occasions could be difficult for them as well. Most of the information in this book was good, it just isn't the 'right fit' for us at this point.

Book #19: Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner

This book was about 4 women who have entered the world of new motherhood & how they dealt with loss, changes in their marriage & themselves. Ayinde is the wife of a pro basketball player, Becky is an overweight chef, Kelly is an overstressed event planner, & Lia is an almost famous Hollywood actress who has suffered a tragedy. This story is about how their friendship forms & how they help each other with challenges in their lives over the course of a year.
I liked this book & identified with those "early" days of motherhood & its effects :) I can say that I did not identify with the "Kelly" character at all & was actually tempted to skip some of her parts because I found her materialism very annoying, however, I "got it" as to why she was the way she was finally towards the end of the book & loved how she turned it around eventually. I just wish she could have been more like she was at the end of the book at the beginning of the book :) I loved "Becky" though & felt that she probably thought more like I did. I identified with the whole "do I look pregnant or just fat?" mentality, but of course, mine has always been the opposite "i hope i don't look pregnant, it's just fat!" :)
I would recommend this book if you're into "chic lit" & overall, I thought it was okay, but I am beginning to think that maybe I am just not a fan of this author's style...I'll probably have to try at least one more of her books just to be sure though.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Tuesday's Soapbox: I am More than just "Mom"

My life does not revolve around my kid. (Please refrain from throwing anything at me! :)

Is he a HUGE part of my life? Yes!
Does he have an effect on everything we do & how much sleep we get? Yes!
Is my life so much better because he is in it? Very much so, yes!

But my life does not revolve entirely around him & I don't want it too.

Luke brings me lots of joy & lots of good stories to tell, but if you met me out on the street, you would not automatically know that I was a "mom" unless he was with me. In fact, when meeting new people, I have often been asked "So do you have kids?" after having talked to them for awhile because I don't bring it up immediately. I also love to take pictures, but never seem to have any on me & it makes me feel awkward on the very rare occasions when I do. I am not into "showing him off" just because I have a kid. I definitely don't walk around trying to show people pictures of Scott all of the time just because I have a husband. That idea seems silly to me "Yes, I have a husband! Here wait let me get out his pictures for you to see!" & it carries over into how I feel about Luke's pictures too I guess.
If someone asks, of course, I could tell them all kinds of things about Luke's latest antics, but I could also do the same thing about Scott or myself-why are our lives not considered interesting, but that of a 1 1/2 year old's is fascinating?

It is important to me to maintain my life while trying to help Luke develop his own life. I do not want to be the center of his universe, even though that might be fantastic, I want him to know that it is okay to be your own person & to have your own interests even after children enter the picture. In fact, my own mom & dad made this very clear while we were growing up, yet none of us ever felt less loved because of it. Mom bowled every Tuesday night just so she could have some time away to he herself with friends. Mom & Dad rarely turned down the opportunity to spend time with friends on the weekends sans kids-calling in one of the local babysitters so that they could enjoy an evening without us in tow was done without hesitation (we always thought it was great too because it was fun play with 'new' people who most of the time were our older cousins or neighbors!)
In the same respect, I don't usually hesitate when one of my friends calls & says "Hey, do you want to get together on...?" I find someone to watch Luke & I/we go without guilt. I feel lucky that some of my closest friends are the exact same way. When we talk on the phone, the conversations are not always about the kids, in fact, many times we forget to even mention the kids during the phone calls & any get together in our minds is usually better without the children in tow :) Do we love our kids? Yes, of course! Do we enjoy each other's kids? Yes to that one too, but we also know that one day our kids will move out & leave us behind so we had better still be able to have fun together without them & be able to talk about something else besides them or we might just end up sitting around looking at each other twiddling our thumbs someday!
What a fun group we would be then! :)

So, in conclusion, I am glad that my kid is not the "center" of my universe because I hope that it helps him to develop into a more interesting, well-rounded individual who is not completely dependant upon me or Scott to help him feel good about himself.

Will he know that I am proud of him & that he is loved? YES!
Will I make sure that all of his needs are met? Of course!
Will he know that he is very important to me? YES!
But...will he be the only interesting thing about me? No, most likely not!


Disclaimer: "Tuesday's Soapboxes" are not meant to be offensive-Comments I make are not directed at any one person or group, but are just my thoughts on whatever topic I choose for that particular Tuesday. The topics may range from serious in nature to just downright silly. As always, I appreciate hearing what you have to say about them, however, I am not here to start any 'debates'. Thanks for reading & I hope you enjoyed :)

Everyone Loves A Parade!

Especially, when it features one handsome, little guy riding on a float :)

Yep, that's right, Luke was in a parade yesterday. We hadn't planned on it, all we planned on doing was watching it, but Grandma ended up changing our plans a little bit.

One of the semi-local towns was having their annual "Knights of Columbus" picnic & parade yesterday & we decided to attend. The last several years one of my aunts has put a float in the parade as a method of advertising for her daycare & my mom always helps with it. When Scott & I decided to go, I gave her a call & offered to swing by to pick up my dad so that he wouldn't have to either go earlier with mom or stand around "helping" my mom & aunt :) Needless to say, my mom thought it was a great idea right away. :)

Well, we attended an early Mass & decided that we didn't want to just hang around home waiting for an hour or more so we made the drive to pick up dad, which meant we were running quite a bit early for the parade (we arrived around 10:30 & it started at noon. We drove into town to see the float & ended up meeting up with it where the judging was taking place. Of course, Grandma was all about taking Luke on the float, but Luke wasn't so sure at first. Once he completely 'woke up' & became accustomed to all of the hoopla, he couldn't resist her charms. We picked him up off the float when it reached our seats, which were located at the end of the parade route. He seemed just a bit overwhelmed, but all in all I think he enjoyed it.
And that, folks, is how he ended up in a parade!

Unfortunately for Grandpa, no kid sitting watching the parade with us, meant that there was very little candy for him to enjoy! :(
Maybe he'll have better luck on the 4th of July!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Happy ?

What day is it again today?

Oh yeah, that's right-Flag Day!

Happy Flag Day everyone!

I think I'm still missing something...ummmm, yeah...

Happy Anniversary to Us!

We have had a wonderful 6 years already with hopefully many more to come-not every moment has been good, but there is no one I'd rather spend the good & the bad with than you, Scott.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Can we get a discount please?

Over the last several months, we have taken many trips into town as a family for different reasons-groceries, errands, etc. Occasionally, these trips coincide with suppertime & we choose to eat out (Luke is not as pleasant of a little guy when he gets hungry & let's face it-I am not as pleasant of a mother when I get hungry :) This is not an abnormal event-eating out with one's family, but there is one thing that I notice every single time...

there is rarely anyone else there or if there is, they are old!

Why? Well, I am glad that you asked! Luke likes to eat supper around 5 p.m. which is when many of the older people like to congregate too.

I am sure that we are probably a little bit of an odd site to see at that time for the people who work there, but it is better than having a fussy child on our hands while trying to finish up our errands. It does all leave me wondering though...

Is there any way we could qualify for a "senior discount" since we're always eating with them? ;)

"Fun Friday" Fireman

Enjoy! I know I will :)


Thursday, June 11, 2009

My Sweetness

One week ago today, "Baby E" was born & along with it the dream of the son that almost was.

Is there still sadness? Yes, of course, but nothing like it was initially. Yes, we gave our hearts to this new little baby, but we know that he is loved & that helps immensely.

I believe that much of what remains is just the fact that the "dream" has died for the moment. Not to say that there won't be another chance to make this dream come true, but it just isn't going to happen right now with "Baby E" like we had been hoping. I have to believe that it will happen again & I can only hope that maybe it will be soon.

One thing that we do know is that we have been truly blessed & I've never known that more strongly than I did tonight after putting Luke to bed. I was standing outside his door waiting to see if I would need to go back in again when my ears picked up on a noise. It was the sound of Luke humming the tune I always hum to him at bedtime to put himself to sleep. What a sweet sound it was too! :)

"Running Record" Thursday

Book #14: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

What can I say? Awesome! I am obviously not the first person in the world to have read this book and I am not the first person to declare it a hit so I will not go on about it very much. I would like to say, though, that I loved how the whole tale came together in the end & I also know that it would probably be very worthwhile to go back & read it all again now knowing what happens to see if I could pick up more of the "clues" along the way.
I think I'll wait awhile before I attempt that feat again though! :)

Book #15: Rules by Cynthia Lord

My final 4th grade book club book of the school year! It was a quick read & I thought it was okay. Most of the kids thought that it was really, really good though & I would highly recommend it to anyone who is wanting to experience more of a first-hand experience of dealing with autism & people with special needs. Overall, I felt that I learned a great deal from this book as well as the students who read it!
The fictional story was about Catherine, a girl whose younger brother has autism. She has always taken it upon herself to try to teach him the "rules" that everyone else just seems to know that he doesn't quite get, such as "Keep your pants on in public." As she is learning to accept her brother for who he is, she also meets & becomes friends with a paraplegic boy named, Jason, who is unable to speak & must use speech cards to "speak". Catherine learns a lot about what people are capable of, even those who society may deem as having nothing to offer.

Book #16: The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

All I have to say about this book is very quick read & very moving story! This was a story about the love between a man & a woman & how that love helps them to be able connect once again with each other every once in awhile after the wife is in the full grip of Alzheimer's. The husband has written down their "story" in a notebook & he faithfully reads it to her every single day at the nursing home where they both live. He does it knowing that it could be pointless, but every once in awhile she miraculousy "comes back" to him for sometimes minutes & sometimes a day.
Scott & I both have a history of Alzheimer's in our families. It is scary to think that one day it could affect someone whom we are very close too, but I thought that this book did a great job of portraying what it could be like to "connect" once again with that loved one who has been "lost" even if it was only for a few moments.

If you need a good book to read this summer, I think any one of these would fit the bill! :)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

(Not So) Wordless Wednesday: This made me smile :)

I loved this & am totally going to be watching if Jimmy gets this reunion set up! I loved this show! :)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Tuesday's Soapbox: What's in a loss?

Here are some things I have learned or seen over the past couple of days while dealing with this loss:

*The support we have received from many of our family, friends & even strangers has been overwhelming. A small word of kindness, no matter how small it may be, means so much more than you can ever know.

*No one has yet asked me "How are you doing?" in that 'pity-soaked, I'm so sad for you voice'! I despise that voice, since hearing it 100 million times during the IF years. (I think my dire warnings to a few well-placed family & close friends may have done the trick :)

*I hope that people will talk to me directly about what has happened, if they would like to know how we are dealing with things...I dislike knowing that I am being 'talked around' (also a knee jerk reaction from the IF days)...don't worry about offending/upsetting me, I'm not that fragile & I promise I won't break-just ask.

*It has surprised me to see how friends whom I haven't talked to in ages have been some of the first ones to offer words of congrats/comfort during this past week. There really is something to this saying about friends: "Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

*I also now know who can respond to a text message the fastest :)

*We got to see how Luke reacted to a sibling being around-he did pretty well. Not really any jealousy, just a big interest in looking at the baby & giving him hugs.

*"Baby E" (this name is derived from the name birthmom is giving the baby if that clears up any confusion for RL family & friends about where it came from) was only in our home for 2 mornings, but that was just enough for Luke to become accustomed to looking for the baby first thing when he gets up. It broke my heart to hear him say "Baybee" & then hold his hands up like "where is he" yesterday morning & then again throughout the day a few different times. It truly sucks having to say "oh, the baby went home" to him. He is only 21 months, but he is definitely old enough to be confused by all of this!

*I thought that "hiding" all of the baby stuff would make it easier, but it hasn't. The big, glaring empty space where a bassinet should be greets me each time I walk into our bedroom & makes it feel like I'm trying to "cover something up" like we did something wrong, which was/is not the case. I also know that I can't handle looking at it either, so what to do...?

*I wish that we were the only ones hurt by all of this, but I know that we are not.

*We know what options are open to us at this point, but we also know that we need to deal with our grief over this specific situation first so "making suggestions" will not help us to get over this faster.

*I wish with all of my heart that there could have magically been two of "Baby E" so that neither us nor birthmom would have had to have our hearts broken at any time during all of this! (In NO way am I saying that if it had been twins, they would have been split up either!)

*Luke is quickly learning that the use of the words "I'm fine" by someone is 99% of the time a lie in some form or the other :)

*It is a very good thing to have a few very close friends & family members who I know I can call on at anytime to "vent" & know that they will listen & sympathize with me no matter what-even if they may think I have gone off my 'rocker' at the time :)

*I find myself waiting for "normal" to reappear-I've seen glimpses of it over the past 2 days, but I also know that things can't ever be the "normal" that it was before all of this. They can get "better", but never the same as they once were...

Monday, June 8, 2009

The Chronicles of Adoption #2

The following were written in "real" time (the days they occurred), but I have held out until now for the benefit of being able to let family/close friends know about it all first. The only changes that I have made are to the baby's 'name'. My hope is to not only 'chronicle' what we went through to help us remember, but also I hope that maybe by me writing it-it will help someone else in some way.

Monday night (June 1): I am a sentimental person, but not usually overly sappy, however, tonight was a little bit of a different story. I couldn't help it-a couple of tears slipped out-as I was rocking Luke to sleep tonight knowing that it would be the last time I would put him to bed as my only child. Even if things don't work out the way we hope, this new little baby will always own a piece of our hearts & even more so after we have a "face" to put with him. The next few days will either be some of the greatest Scott & I have experienced in our marriage or some of the worst...here's to hoping that they'll all be good.

Tuesday night (June 2): I am thinking how strange it is that we might actually come home with a baby in a few days. I am also thinking about what it will be like if we don't. It feels weird to not have Luke in the house (he is at my mom & dad's for the duration of the hospital stay). I yelled something up to Scott earlier this evening & thought "Oh, I need to be quiet so I don't wake Luke up" until I remembered that he isn't here so I could yell as loud as I wanted if I wanted :) It was a strange feeling. I am also thinking about birthmom & how strange it must feel to be packing her bags, but not packing anything for baby or if she is packing something-what does that mean as far as we're concerned? I remember feeling exactly this same way on the drive down to Luke's home state. Will our car seat actually have a baby in it shortly? Strange is really the only word I have for all of it :)

Wednesday night (June 3): All of us had our hopes & expectations pumped up & ready to go this morning & then fate stepped in! The hospital more specifically the labor & delivery rooms of the hospital were affected by an air-conditioning ventilation problem that occurred overnight.
No air-conditioning for delivery=No baby born today :(
The upside to all of this is that we got to spend lots of time bonding some more with the birthmom & her mom (baby's grandma). It was nice to be able to "hang out" with them. So...maybe we'll finally get to see our baby's face tomorrow!

Saturday morning (June 6): Well, all went well at the hospital. I was amazed by birthmom's strength during labor & delivery & through the next day. From spending almost 2 1/2 days with her through all of it, I felt that we all really got to see what each of us is like & just how much we all love this little baby. She is wise beyond her years in knowing what she felt she needed to do to help herself & to provide for this little guy. The crappiest part for all of us, I know, is when we had to leave the hospital & part ways. We knew that we were leaving there with one of life's greatest gifts, meanwhile, she was leaving there with empty arms. She is never far from our minds or hearts & we hope that she will be able to fulfill all of her dreams for herself & her other son at home.
On a side note-Last night around 2:30 in the morning, I experienced something that I've only heard about in fairy tales-well maybe not fairy tales exactly ;) I was changing "Baby E's" diaper & had everything all cleaned up for the knew one when out of nowhere came flying poop! Yep, that's right, projectile pooping! Needless to say, I am now thinking that between this "super pooper" & his older brother "the sprayer"-all of our carpet will be nicely fertilized within the next few years :) Wouldn't they make for great superheroes?!

Saturday night (June 6th): We're a little shocked & definitely in disbelief as we have just received a call from birthmom saying that she has changed her mind & can't go through with it. We knew this was possible & would probably happen to us at some point if we continued pursuing the adoption path, but that doesn't make it any easier. We will return him tomorrow morning at 10:30 so until then we're loving on him as much as we possibly can & I don't think that either of us will gripe about having to get up with him tonight to do feedings or any lack of sleep that we may experience-not that we would have anyway.

Sunday afternoon (June 7th): It feels just a bit surreal to think about what has all happened in the last week. In fact, I wonder if it was all a dream, but then I see a baby bottle or a well wish from a friend or the car seat that hasn't been removed yet & I know that it wasn't. To think about just how quickly our lives changed & then how quickly they changed again. One would think that it would be just like it was before, but it isn't. I'm glad to have had the few happy days we did have with "Baby E". I know that those days are still more than some people ever get to experience in their whole lifetime & I am hopeful that we will be able to experience them again someday with "our baby" that we know is still out there waiting for us to find.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Cancelled!

Cancel the plans for the big announcement tomorrow.
The baby we had brought home, we had to return to his birthmom this morning since she has decided to parent.
Of course, we're sad, but grateful that we have Luke to love on & hopeful that'our baby' is still out there somewhere.
Please keep all of us-our family, birthmom & baby in your prayers for a little while as we all continue trying to make our way through this journey we call "life".

Friday, June 5, 2009

Big Announcement...

coming on Monday! :) Those of you who know us in RL probably already know what it is & those of you who have been reading along for a while may have a very good idea what it is too ;)

Here are a few clues:

1. It has something to do with my last post.

2. Blue is a very good color.

3. We here at the Faith, Hope & Poop household may get a little "wacky" due to sleep deprivation setting in. :)

Have fun "guessing" although I doubt that you, my super intelligent readers, will have too hard of a time figuring it out~Enjoy, I know we are! :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Tuesday's Soapbox: Adoption & Faith

I am proud to be an adoptive parent!
Do I feel like I missed out on the whole pregnancy/giving birth thing? Yes, a little at times, but most of the time-no. I have been able to experience it vicariously through several of my family & friends, which isn't the same, but I can say that it is 'enough'.
Do I still have "time" to try to experience all of that? Yes, I am only 28. Scott & I have talked about it, but when it comes right down to it-we enjoy & respect this "ride" that is called adoption & we're just not sure if we want to even enter into that whole IF emotional rollercoaster again.
Adoption has already touched our lives in so many ways & it feels like the natural choice for us, but it can seem like a tough choice at times especially when...

*you feel like you are held under a bit more of a microscope than other parents...

*medical questions arise that you can't answer...

*you try to imagine how you will answer your child's questions in the future & hope that they are not given a harder time because they are adopted...

*you hear the phrase "that must be the [insert any family's name] blood in him/her" directed toward a relative's bio child because you know that this may make your child feel awkward down the road

Adoption can be tough, but it is also oh-so-wonderful & is a true test of faith on many different levels...

*Faith that one day you will receive the phone call that will change your life forever...

*Faith on the part of the birthparents that they are choosing the right home/parents to raise their little one...

*Faith on the part of the adoptive parents that their hearts will not get broken & that they can do the best they can by that little one & the birthparents' wishes...

*Faith on the part of the little one that all of these adults know what is best for him/her.

Our faith is about to be tested, yet again, very soon & we could not be more excited about it. We can't wait to welcome another new little person into the world (whether he ends up coming home with us or not) & we are hopeful for many happy days ahead! Stay tuned...;)

Disclaimer: "Tuesday's Soapboxes" are not meant to be offensive-Comments I make are not meant to be directed at any one person or group, but are just my thoughts on whatever topic I choose for that particular Tuesday. The topics may range from serious in nature to just downright silly. As always, I appreciate hearing what you have to say about them, however, I am not here to start any 'debates'. Thanks for reading & I hope you enjoyed :)