I've not been around much lately and I've missed this! I've missed reading up on other peoples' blogs whom I have been following for quite a while now. I've missed sharing bits & pieces of my life here with all of you...but at the same time I have enjoyed my time away (for the most part) too. Very little blogging, very little email and even less Facebook time have been the way of life this month it seems and I'm thankful to have had the break even if I hadn't planned on taking it.
So, here are just a few things that have been happening in my little world, since I last posted...
*Mother's Day-I am so grateful for all of the wonderful women who have helped to shape my life & it was great being able to spend time with many of them on/around Mother's Day. Somehow, though, this holiday is still just not one of my favorites, in fact, if I could skip it completely-I would.
I don't like the "you have to do stuff for me just because I'm a mom" mentality, whether it's deserved or not. I don't like all of the hullabaloo made over this "one day"-shouldn't we celebrate our mothers (& fathers too) every.single.day.
Part of my dislike, obviously, stems from our IF/adoption struggles & just how completely tortuous this holiday was before becoming a mom & how even though I am a mother now-that doesn't mean that part of me doesn't still feel inadequate. The "ease" of other mothers' abilities to build their families/space their children, seemingly, without effort/emotional struggles/having to consider other options is something that I am very aware of on this one particular day of the year and it's just not all that pleasant for me...it's not anyone's fault, just my own need to want to crawl up in a hole on this one day each year & hide/cry, yet instead, being forced out to do just the opposite because I am now (& feel very much blessed to be so even if this makes me sound otherwise) a mother!
*On a different 'mother' rant, the phrases "I'm a mother of [insert whatever number of chidren you have-it just can't be 1]" and "family is complete" are two phrases that have been annoying the crap out of me lately. First of all, I don't think that most people really care how many children someone has, unless maybe it is 5 or more, okay, maybe 4. 1, 2 or 3 kids seems to be fairly typical, in fact, isn't the average 2.3 or something like that so saying "mother of [2 or 3]" just makes one normal. Some use the phrase to let people know just how 'busy' they are, which is fine & dandy too, but don't we all get busier as we add in more people to our lives (whether they live with us or not and whether or not they happen to be children). This phrase also bugs the crap out of me because I was a "mother of two" for just a few days, but then plans changed & here I sit, almost a year later...still only hoping that maybe someday this phrase can apply to me yet again, but permanently this time...
The other phrase has been used by several different people in real life & in the blog/facebook world. Some are 'super fertiles' as I like to call them :) & some are fellow IFer's with whom I have faced this journey with (& most of whom came face-to-face with it after we had already been in the trenches for a while.) I am thrilled for all of them-that their dreams have come true/are coming true, but yet (& yes, I am going to throw another pity party ;) here we sit feeling like we are only in the "beginnings" of building our family. It is just frustrating always feeling like you are watching everyone else move on, while we're still stuck closer to our starting goal rather than our ending goal...
*On a more positive note, school has been out for almost a whole week...our vacation-very much needed this year!-is approaching quickly (I can hear that ocean calling my name)...& I think my battle with some very pesky 6 legged pests may finally be swinging my way-THANK THE GOOD LORD!!!-not exactly how I planned on spending my first week of summer vacation ;)
Hope your summers are off to great starts & if anyone needs a pity party, just head my direction...I'm sure I could find one if you couldn't tell it from this post, but then again, that has pretty much been what May has been like in my head :)
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