Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The thing that never leaves, although it has taken several forms throughout my lifetime.
1. Good old Fashioned Guilt...umm, hello, I was raised/still am Catholic, so I tend to feel guilty about everything in general-whether I need to or not.
2. Guilt Trips...I am very good at attempting to give them...I am also slightly more susceptible to them (ahem, see #1 above!) However, I also tend to recognize when one is being given and find it very annoying so many times I just give one back...it's a vicious cycle :)
3. Mommy Guilt...I try very hard to NOT suffer from this too much, but it is still very good at creeping in (maybe because of #1 & #2.) I try to make the time I spend with him matter, so that when I do choose to do something for myself/go to work...I can feel confident that I don't need to feel guilt about it...I do fairly well, but as with everything, it's definitely a work in progress!
4. Infertility/Adoptive Mommy Guilt...this is in addition to #3. All mommies feel guilty about something, but add infertility into the mix where I had that dream withheld from me for a long time-one feels like she must do a good job to show that she deserved what others may have received without much of an effort (at least from my own viewpoint anyway.) Top that off with choosing to adopt and being blessed with the dream finally coming true because someone chose you to do it and others had to approve that you would make a fantastic parent, it can maifest itself as guilt very quickly when I don't live up to the standards (which are probably too high) that I have set for myself (or sometimes feel have been set for me.) It can be very nasty companion at times!
Guilt, old 'friend', I'm going to keep working against you, but I do figure that you probably plan on sticking around for as long as I do ;)