And The Ugly!

I'm sure that at least a few of you had to see that title coming if you were paying attention to the last two titles :)

*How can you say "I would choose you if I could" & then turn around and let a relative basically bully you into making a different choice? It is YOUR choice/decision not theirs~I do believe that this would not have hurt quite so much if I knew you had made this choice for yourself & not someone else.

*You truly led me to feeling like a crazy person at times over the past several months...as well as the "officials" involved in this process...just to turn around & leave us with nothing to make it all worth the struggle.

*How does Luke all of a sudden become the least important person in this whole scenario? At first, it was most important that he grow up with his sibling, but now it really isn't?

*I wish for your sake that you would have become a stronger person since Luke's birth...then maybe all of this could have been avoided in the first place.

*It makes me very sad to think about the decision you ended up making, a little because of how it affected us, but mostly because of how it could end up affecting the baby's health/life in the long run...I'm not sure that it is really for the best...

*My knee jerk reaction was to keep Luke away from you forever now, but as I get farther away from all of it-I know that this is NOT the right thing to do & the updates will continue to be sent even though these first few may be a little tougher for me to put together

These are just a few of the thoughts & questions I have had over the past week that will never get asked or answered. I write them here knowing that they could be seen (but it is highly unlikely) by her and/or someday read by Luke himself. They are not meant to cause harm or ill will~they are just a reflection of the emotions that I/we are dealing with in this specific moment in time.

This birthmom is still Luke's birthmom too-that will never change & that is why I have to let it go. What was decided is decided (no matter how it was decided by her) & we must move on from here. It will be tough the first few times if there are any more visits down the road, but I do not want to be that person who harbors bad feelings towards her-it would not be good for her, for us & most especially for Luke & that is what this post is meant to be-me letting it go for his sake...