Monday, November 30, 2009

And The Ugly!

I'm sure that at least a few of you had to see that title coming if you were paying attention to the last two titles :)

*How can you say "I would choose you if I could" & then turn around and let a relative basically bully you into making a different choice? It is YOUR choice/decision not theirs~I do believe that this would not have hurt quite so much if I knew you had made this choice for yourself & not someone else.

*You truly led me to feeling like a crazy person at times over the past several well as the "officials" involved in this process...just to turn around & leave us with nothing to make it all worth the struggle.

*How does Luke all of a sudden become the least important person in this whole scenario? At first, it was most important that he grow up with his sibling, but now it really isn't?

*I wish for your sake that you would have become a stronger person since Luke's birth...then maybe all of this could have been avoided in the first place.

*It makes me very sad to think about the decision you ended up making, a little because of how it affected us, but mostly because of how it could end up affecting the baby's health/life in the long run...I'm not sure that it is really for the best...

*My knee jerk reaction was to keep Luke away from you forever now, but as I get farther away from all of it-I know that this is NOT the right thing to do & the updates will continue to be sent even though these first few may be a little tougher for me to put together

These are just a few of the thoughts & questions I have had over the past week that will never get asked or answered. I write them here knowing that they could be seen (but it is highly unlikely) by her and/or someday read by Luke himself. They are not meant to cause harm or ill will~they are just a reflection of the emotions that I/we are dealing with in this specific moment in time.

This birthmom is still Luke's birthmom too-that will never change & that is why I have to let it go. What was decided is decided (no matter how it was decided by her) & we must move on from here. It will be tough the first few times if there are any more visits down the road, but I do not want to be that person who harbors bad feelings towards her-it would not be good for her, for us & most especially for Luke & that is what this post is meant to be-me letting it go for his sake...


Carrie27 said...

I wish I could lessen your pain and heartache.

kylie said...

Anita, I'm Kyra's sister it seems were are walking in the same footsteps. We just found out the birthmom has decided to parent. We have had Braden in our custody for one week. I will keep you and your family in prayer.

prashant said...
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