Thursday, May 1, 2008

A Moment of Reflection

8 months ago yesterday, my son Luke was born. The last couple of days have been filled with several moments of reflection for me. Sometimes it seems like an eternity since that Labor Day weekend when I think about how much he has grown and all of the different things that have happened since and sometimes it feels like only yesterday. When I start remembering the details of that weekend along with the month leading up to it and all of the emotions that we felt in such a short period of time, they are such strong memories that it can almost feel as if I'm right back there in the middle of it all again. At the time I described it as our "emotional labor" since I did not undergo actual physical childbirth. I know that some people think that they could never love an adopted child as much as they love their biological child (the terms "real", "natural", etc. should be removed from the parental vocabulary-aren't all children "real" & "natural") & to those people I say "you just have NO idea!" The whole adoption process is so emotional (similar to 9 months of pregnancy) and especially if it follows infertility when a couple has been waiting for "SO LONG". Waiting & dreaming of that child for an indefinite period of time (in our case several years) as is the case with both adoption & infertility makes it all the more special when that baby is finally placed in your arms and you know that all of those dreams, wishes & prayers have finally been answered. Someone who has not been through it can only imagine (but never fully understand) what it is like or just how much you can love that child (even without a biological connection). The other thing that I now realize with even more certainty because I have had the wonderful opportunity over the last 8 months of being Luke's mom is what a sacrifice it is for a birthmom to choose not to parent a child. I know without a doubt that I could never do it! I may not have understood all of her life choices, I may not have completely understood her emotions at the time, I may not have agreed with how she was conducting herself, I may not have agreed with how her family interacted with & treated each other, but I will always agree with Luke's birthmom about the fact that deep down she knew that she was making a HUGE difference in his life for the better by letting us raise him and that the hardest thing she ever had to do ended up making all of our dreams come true!

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