Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Please Don't Ask Me...

Is he crawling yet?!!!
The answer is/will be/has been for a long time...NO. If I sound a bit frustrated, well I am. I don't really mind people inquiring about Luke, but this question is starting to get to me only because the child is almost 10 months old & I am still giving the same answer. Has he been interested in moving? You betcha! He'll walk everywhere as long as he's holding your hands or in his walker. There is no stopping him in those cases, but will he attempt to roll/army crawl/real crawling at all on his own? No Way! Does he seem to be too bothered by it? Not really, but Mommy is beginning to feel somewhat frustrated by it. He is not the one always having to answer the questions & then look at people's surprised faces or then hear "Well does he have any older siblings?- Oh, no-well that explains it." Does it? Does it really? I just don't know. The key word here is INADEQUATE - that is how all of this makes me feel. Of course, I know that all mothers are very prone to this, but this feeling & I have become quite good friends (although I don't like her very much). What can make a person feel more inadequate about herself & her body then infertility? Follow that up with going through the adoption process, where every aspect of your life is put out there for other people to decide if you will make good parents & then wondering if you will be "good enough" to get picked. Of course, it doesn't quite stop there because once you are picked, you're constantly worrying that you may do something wrong & the birthmom will change her mind or God forbid, she does, then you analyze yourself even more. I've also read that adoptive parents do tend to judge themselves even more critically than bio parents because they feel like they have had to put themselves on some kind of pedestal to prove to the world that they are "good" parents & know how to care for a child. (Check! Got that one covered) Does it make me doubt my abilities when Luke isn't maybe progressing as he should? Yep, bringing along with it loads of Mommy Guilt. In the end, though, I just remind myself that I am his mother & am trying to do the best that I can & am trying to give him anything that he needs to thrive in this world. Will I make mistakes? Yes, no doubt about it, but I will just try to keep from beating myself up (too much) about them. Would it help if he would just crawl a little? YES!!! (Don't worry, there will definitely be a post when that day finally arrives! Until then, just keep in mind-don't ask me about it!) :)

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