Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!!!

This is a modified version of the letter that we sent out for Christmas this year...I thought it seemed like a good fit for wrapping up the blog for this year too.

Thanks for continuing to read along with us on our journey through life! :)

Wishing you a Happy 2010!!!

We hope that this finds you all doing well! I think it is safe to say that all of us here are just a little bit glad to be saying goodbye to the year 2009…it’s definitely been a bit rough on us-starting the year out with Scott’s job loss followed by two failed adoptions (one in June & one in November)-let’s just say that a “fresh start” is something that sounds just a little appealing at this point!
So in order to send this year out in style (& to get away from all of that negativity in the first part of this post), here are the…

Top 5 Things That Were
“Fine in 2009!”

5. Teaching! I love working with all of the kids at school & up at church for religion classes. They make my days fun & they give me many great stories to share when the day is done.

4. Scott found a job! He has been employed with a company since the end of June. He works on computers/networks for school districts & is stationed at 3 different schools. He is really enjoying this job & the change of pace. It was quite a blessing that he not only found a job, but also one that he enjoys!

3. Kitties, puppies, trains/cars, balls & BOOKS! Luke has discovered quite a LOVE for all of these things over this last year & if you listen close, you might catch him ‘quoting’ some of his favorite lines from books. He also really likes talking about his cats-Sassy, Bert & Esther!

2. Friends & Family! In many ways, this year has been a tough one, but it has also shown us just how blessed we are to have friends & family like all of you in our lives! The support & love we have been given means more to us than words could ever express & we love each & every one of you very much!

1. Faith! We still have lots of it & we plan on using lots of it in the new year!

We’re looking forward to the New Year and hope that you are too!

Love,
The Faith, Hope & Poop Household

Two year olds don't really get the phrase...

"Hello. I love you...now give me some space!" :)

All of my plans for this wonderful week off of school have pretty well gone down the gutter because my 2 year old got sick on Sunday night. It is a cold he received from his father, but I am the one taking care of it-somehow this doesn't quite seem fair ;)

My wonderful, exciting plans included-cleaning my house intensely while my 2 year old had a visit with the sitter on Monday, catching up on blog reading while my 2 year old took naps, typing a few blog posts after my husband would get home in the evenings while he was playing with my 2 year old, baking food for our remaining Christmas parties that are to be held this weekend...they were all lovely plans...

This is how the week has shaped up...

Sunday evening-Luke comes down with a fever-he ends up sleeping in our bed so that he will sleep more than 45 minutes at a time
Monday-Luke & I lie in a chair for probably 90% of the day while his fever continues, thus he does not go to the sitter, thus I get nothing accomplished-I decide to sleep in his room on the floor so that he will sleep for more than an hour at a time
Tuesday-no temperature...Luke goes to the sitter while I go to the dentist & get groceries-Luke is very clingy the rest of the day & refuses to play with or sit on dad's lap when he arrives home at 8 p.m.-Luke sleeps in our bed again so that he will sleep more than an hour at a time
Wednesday-Luke is feeling better, but still very clingy & must nap on me-anytime my attention focuses elsewhere, his turns to mischief so that mine will return to him a.k.a nothing can get accomplished around the house-after Scott arrived home, Luke once again refused dad until dad enticed him with candy & then mom ran away to the computer & shut the door behind her :)

I can feel my sanity being restored ever so slightly as I type...it has been quite awhile since I have spent nearly 24 hours a day for several days in a row with Luke literally 'right by my side'...I am glad for this slight reprieve & things might start heading in the right direction if I can get some things done tomorrow, even if I have to do it with my 2 year old attached to me :-D

What Would Jesus Do? :)

1 Child Nativity Set with the Baby Jesus having been added yesterday on his 'birthday'

+

1 Toy Tractor & Wagon delivered by Santa yesterday=

Mom having to say to her 2 year old son this morning...

"I'm not so sure that Baby Jesus is supposed to be driving a tractor."

Merry Christmas!!! ;)

Christmas is Coming!!!

Finally, the Christmas songs are being played on the radio! Around this area anyway, it seems as if many of the stations have been playing very few holiday songs until this week...it's just a tad hard to catch the holiday spirit completely when you can't find any of the appropriate tunes to listen to while driving between places.

So, in honor of the season, here are a few of my favorites this year...

White Christmas by The Drifters
I enjoy the classic version of this song too, but somehow I think I could listen to this & it never get old.

Ludacrismas by Ludacris
I watched the movie Fred Claus a few days ago & I thought this song was super (and the chorus is quite catchy too!) :)

Don't be a Jerk by Spongebob Squarepants
This was also a new one this year & I think the message "it's the season to be jolly not jerky" is definitely needed sometimes this time of year, plus the chorus is also so fun to sing.

I Want a Hippopotomas for Christmas
Who wouldn't? ;)

Wise beyond his years

A conversation held yesterday between myself & a 2nd grader...

2nd Grader: (in a real serious voice) "Hey Mrs. S! Did you know that I will have to move to China when I turn 16?"

Me: (pondering what in the world he is talking about-military? No, you have to be 18 for that & then why China if that was the case. Family relocating? No, I know of this family & that would seem very odd, especially looking approximately 8 years into the future at this point. So I decided to ask...) "Why will you have to move to China?"

2nd Grader: "Because I will have to get a job when I turn 16 so I will have to move to China."

Me: (looking quite confused at this point) "Why would you need to move to China to get a job when you turn 16?"

2nd Grader: "Well...I really want to get a job where I can make toys and all of the toys are made in China, so I will have to move to China."

Me: (laughing) "You're right, many of the toys are made in China! Good luck with those plans, but maybe you should at least try to graduate before you move to China." :)

Somedays these kids just make my blog post ideas sooo easy ;)

The Finale: A 'Tail' of Running

Okay, so I really never finished up this little series of posts due to life getting in the way, well here it is...

If you need to catch up here is the original & here is Part 2.

Sooo, that Monday evening came & I decided to run "at night" in the dark....

I headed out the door with my light colored clothing & a flashlight. The flashlight definitely came in handy as I was passed by several cars while I was walking/running, but it also helped to ease my imagination that kept trying to run wild.

I had also decided to bring along my MP3 player to use the music as a distraction for my crazy imagination too.

I kept hearing the words "Chicken" & "Pansy" running through my head as I went along...

but I finally settled into a somewhat calm pattern & let myself get lost in the rhythm of the running & the music playing in my ears while keeping an eye out for cars.

All was going very well & I was really beginning to see just how silly I was being about all of this running in the dark stuff.

Then all of a sudden I realized that I wasn't really paying attention anymore & as I became more alert & began to take in my surroundings again (through the beam of a flashlight)...I saw it...not more than 15-20 feet away from me...

A SKUNK!!!

I started stomping my feet & talking out loud & it decided to turn around & crawl back towards the trees from where it had come...

My imagination started going HOG WILD at this point & I admit that I was just a wee bit concerned! Why, you ask? Because I cannot smell, thus, I had no idea if any spraying had occurred, so the following questions began running through my head...

1. Do I smell like skunk?
2. If I do, will I stink up my house just by stepping into it?
3. What if Scott is putting Luke to bed & I can't confirm or deny this right away?
4. What the hell am I going to do if I smell like skunk-I have to work tomorrow?

A little overreaction, maybe, but this is how my brain works :)

I walked into the house...Scott was in the living room...he said that I did NOT smell like skunk...then he laughed at my insanity :)

All I could think was "HA!" I was right to feel like a 'chicken' when it comes to running after dark around here!

JUSTIFICATION never "smelled" so good! ;)

Wordless Wednesday: "Happy Holidays" ???

Tuesday's Soapbox: Family Ties

Disclaimer: "Tuesday's Soapboxes" are not meant to be offensive-Comments I make are not directed at any one person or group, but are just my thoughts on whatever topic I choose for that particular Tuesday. The topics may range from serious in nature to just downright silly. As always, I appreciate hearing what you have to say about them, however, I am not here to start any 'debates'. Thanks for reading & I hope you enjoyed :)

Oh, that's right, it's back-at least for this week anyway :)

The holiday season is once again upon us & along with it comes the stress of all of the things that need to be done, all of the places to go & all of the people to see. And for me one of the worst parts of it all is the part where we are trying to share our time with all of our families at all of the festivities that will inevitably (most years anyway) conflict with each other...you can believe me when I say that I do truly start stressing out about this in October every single year.

The ultimate problem stems from the terms "extended family" & "immediate family."
These terms lead to questions such as:
"Who should come first?"
"What are the determining factors when trying to decide?"
"What happens if we go here instead of there?"
And on and on and on...

The basic jist of it all comes down to the basic statement that I have heard come out of several people's mouths (including that of my mother's in reference to how one of my sister's decides where to go when her events conflict) year after year..."Immediate family should come before extended family" & that is where it all gets tricky folks!

In our specific circumstance, it takes a little bit of traveling to visit any of my "immediate" family members & both of my "extended" families & Scott's "extended" family, thus we do not see many of these people nearly as often as we would like & so we feel it is very important to attend these functions when they occur. We see Scott's "immediate" family (who when they are all home for any of the holidays) are literally right next door & we see much of them for several days back-to-back-to-back. So, yes, I admit it-we do tend to put more of an emphasis on making sure we attend the other family Christmas events first if there is a conflict with Scott's "immediate" family Christmas event, mostly because we know that we will have many opportunities to see them over the course of a few days & therefore, feel like it could easily be the most flexible one scheduling-wise due to everyone being so close together in regards to location. This, of course, tends to cause a few problems from year to year & loads of guilt on our part because we are putting "extended" family before "immediate" family (i.e. remember the anxiety that begins in October :)

Anyway, the point of all of this is that it all got me to thinking more about it this year & I actually "thought something I hadn't thought before" (that's my own little take on the Grinch there ;)

What are these terms we all use to refer to each other & what do they really mean? The definitions please (taken from dictionary.com)...

Immediate family:
one's parents, step-parents, siblings, spouse, children, step-children, foster children, in-laws, sibling in-laws, grandparents, great grandparents, step-great grandparents, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews

Extended family:

1.	a kinship group consisting of a family nucleus and various relatives, as grandparents, usually living in one household and functioning as a larger unit. Compare nuclear family.

2.	(loosely) one's family conceived of as including aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, and sometimes close friends and colleagues.

So, basically, our "immediate" family members are exactly the same as our "extended" family members, except for maybe 'cousins', but then aren't Luke's cousins (who would be considered his extended family) actually my nieces & nephew (which makes them my immediate family, but not his)...

CLEAR AS MUD, huh!!! :)

All I really can tell you that I know for sure is that each & every single one of our family members is very important to us no matter whether they are "immediate" or "extended", thus, it is very important to us that Luke get to know ALL of his family (immediate & extended!) Therefore, we will continue to do our very best to make that possible as long as all of these families continue to get together because in my humble opinion-family is family and they are all equally important to have around! :)

Happenings around Home

Over the past week...

*I have somehow managed to be near the computer like 2 days of the whole week(Sunday & yesterday), unfortunately, it seemed to be quite a busy email week for me (which is a bit unusual) & I found out about several different important things all at once so...

*I have several emails to follow up on now & several people to write back too-sorry if I have not responded yet :)

*For one afternoon, I thought I was coming down with the flu again :( Luckily, taking the afternoon off of school/sleeping & relaxing that evening, helped me to feel much better, but the back aches (like I had with the flu last month) that came along with it still took a few days to go away. [This would also be part of the reason I was "unplugged" for a few days.]

*We are all still crying all of the time here at the Faith, Hope & Poop household, but not for the reasons you might be thinking...Luke has finally become aware of this lovely phase called "I DO IT BY MYSELF!" It is sooo handy when you are in a hurry or trying to do something like fill up his cup. Somehow over the past 2 weeks, he seems to have come to the conclusion that he is quite capable of (along with many, many other things) taking a FULL gallon milk jug & filling up his own cup. We beg to differ thus the crying on the parts of both sides due to several close calls :)

*Along with this, I am soo happy that he can undress himself, but I just wish that he would stop yelling "PEE" & pulling his "undies" down before we get to him (he's a quick one alright!) Acting like the carpet is all one big potty is NOT cool!
[On a side note though, he is beginning to tell us quite a bit more regularly, which is a major plus-I'm hoping to have a few days at Christmas to work on this a bit more consistently with him, but he has come a long way over the past few months!]

*Lucky for me [stated with only a hint of sarcasm], Luke is in a very big "mommy" phase right now, which is okay at many different times, but please son, when dad is home with us too-he is quite capable of playing the same games/toys that I play with you & even if he is not-it really is OKAY for me to have at least 2 minutes of "me time" when I need to use the bathroom. As soon as I disappear, all I hear is Luke saying to Scott "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?" Hmmmm...I guess I'll enjoy it while it lasts because I'm sure that before too long he may not want to spend quite as much of his quality time with me & then I might be left feeling left out ;)

And The Ugly!

I'm sure that at least a few of you had to see that title coming if you were paying attention to the last two titles :)

*How can you say "I would choose you if I could" & then turn around and let a relative basically bully you into making a different choice? It is YOUR choice/decision not theirs~I do believe that this would not have hurt quite so much if I knew you had made this choice for yourself & not someone else.

*You truly led me to feeling like a crazy person at times over the past several months...as well as the "officials" involved in this process...just to turn around & leave us with nothing to make it all worth the struggle.

*How does Luke all of a sudden become the least important person in this whole scenario? At first, it was most important that he grow up with his sibling, but now it really isn't?

*I wish for your sake that you would have become a stronger person since Luke's birth...then maybe all of this could have been avoided in the first place.

*It makes me very sad to think about the decision you ended up making, a little because of how it affected us, but mostly because of how it could end up affecting the baby's health/life in the long run...I'm not sure that it is really for the best...

*My knee jerk reaction was to keep Luke away from you forever now, but as I get farther away from all of it-I know that this is NOT the right thing to do & the updates will continue to be sent even though these first few may be a little tougher for me to put together

These are just a few of the thoughts & questions I have had over the past week that will never get asked or answered. I write them here knowing that they could be seen (but it is highly unlikely) by her and/or someday read by Luke himself. They are not meant to cause harm or ill will~they are just a reflection of the emotions that I/we are dealing with in this specific moment in time.

This birthmom is still Luke's birthmom too-that will never change & that is why I have to let it go. What was decided is decided (no matter how it was decided by her) & we must move on from here. It will be tough the first few times if there are any more visits down the road, but I do not want to be that person who harbors bad feelings towards her-it would not be good for her, for us & most especially for Luke & that is what this post is meant to be-me letting it go for his sake...

The Bad...

The following are some things that I have found to be "bad" over the past week in regards to this latest disappointment, but some have actually surprised me & turned into "good" things as week went on...

*It was the most "thankful" week of the year, during a time when I really DID NOT want to look forward to feeling thankful for anything...thankfully, I was able to find some things to be thankful for :)

*Four family functions to attend wearing my "everything is wonderful" face. Fortunately, by the time I had to attend most of these functions, I had already had several days to deal with everything on my own so this really wasn't all that "bad" in the long run either. But if you would have asked me if I was looking forward to them last weekend, that would have been a whole different story.

*The questions that are always left unanswered/unasked after this type of thing happens.

*The questions/comments that sometimes get asked/made that seem totally inappropriate.

*The baby's situation in general.

*Surprising, the people who know what happened & don't offer so much as an "I'm sorry to hear this" and also the people who do.

*Watching Luke being so ready to be a big brother & being unable to give him that opportunity. I hate hearing him refer to our extra bedroom as "the baby's room" when sometimes it feels like we may never get the chance to give that to him.

*The holiday season in general, honestly, I was not really expecting to get to take part much in it, but with this turn of events I have actually thrown myself into it full fledged mentally & I am feeling a bit excited about them in many ways. (So I guess this could actually be a "good" thing now :)

*Going back to work tomorrow~in many ways I'm ready & in many ways it sends me into a sheer panic...I have a feeling it may end up being a very long day, possibly with several questions that I'm not really ready or willing to answer in regards to the situation...

I promise only one more post on this topic & then I'm putting it away-maybe not forever, but for quite awhile anyway!

The Good...

I've been moping around here for the last few days, so I figured that I had better find some "good" things to be thankful for~because I do have plenty of them in spite of recent events!

So here it is "The Good"

*Scott~it is awesome to have such a wonderful & supportive husband! It is also nice to know that even during our roughest patches on these IF/adoption roller coasters, we have always managed to be on the same wavelength with whatever course of action we have wanted to pursue-sometimes before we had even shared it with each other.

*Luke~what can I say? His smile makes my whole day brighter & when you throw in that infectious giggle of his-how can one not be grateful for such a tremendous gift! He is my "sweet little man" & I can't imagine life without him.

*Family/Friends/Coworkers~their support through everything has been phenomenal & I could not ask for a better group of people to be surrounded by. It is quite humbling to know that there are SO many people out there who care about us & what happens to us.

*Blogging/Bloggers~I am thankful every single day for having discovered this wonderful world on the web (catchy, huh! ;) I love being able to put myself "out there" in a way that I probably never truly will in "real" life & especially during this past year, the support that I have received from fellow bloggers who have "been there done that" or have at least experienced similar things means more than words could ever say! It's a nice feeling to know that I have this whole world of people at my fingertips to celebrate & cry with when the occasions arise.

*We're all alive & healthy & surrounded by lots of love!

*Wine! No worries, I am not becoming an alcoholic, but it sure is nice to have a big tall glass of the stuff every once in awhile ;)

Last of all, but most definitely not least...

*GOD~sometimes I feel like saying "What in the world is your plan for us?" but than I realize that this is not something I need to know...my only job is just to trust him...he knows what he's doing even when I feel like I have no clue what going on! So I will TRUST!

Hope all of your Thanksgivings are swell & don't expect the next post to be so sweet ;)

Innocent Conversation?

I had just sat down to relax for a few minutes when I heard the "click" of Luke's bedroom door opening & shutting. He was up from his nap, normally he would be crying/calling for one of us, but not this time...I looked at our strategically placed mirror just in time to see his little feet rounding the upstairs corner. He was being very quiet...hmmm...that could mean trouble, so I went upstairs to find out what he was doing. When I got up there, I spotted him standing innocently by the computer moving the mouse around and this was the conversation that then took place...

Me: "Luke what are you doing?"
Luke: "Looking at computer...Frank."
Me: "Do you want me to help you find Frank?"
Luke: "Yes!"
A few moments later as we're waiting for the internet to come up...
Me: "Do you still want Frank?"
Luke: "No!"
Me: "Well what do you want?"
Luke: "Whiskey!"

Now please refrain from calling any social service agencies on us...one of Luke's favorite things to do is to look at this website at all of his favorite puppies (& trust me-he has quite a memory for these puppies-he can recite quite A LOT of them on sight & he specifically requests which ones he wants to see :) Check it out~obviously, two of his current favorites are "Frank" & "Whiskey" & luckily, they appear in order right next to each other ;)

Therapeutic words

I heard this song & then later this song over the weekend and both brought great feelings of sadness as they described how I am feeling as we are dealing with this latest disappointment.

Especially the lines from Kenny's song...

"Wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh it's no use
I can't unlove you"

Along with...

"Interstates and old songs
Like time they go on and on
I guess could learn to do the same
I can wake up without you
These two arms not around you
Tell myself it was meant to be this way
No matter how I try
Some things I can't change"

And then the line from Little Texas's song...

"I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and we have taken diff'rent roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been"

Deja Vu Sucks!

We've been here before & the only word that seems to fit is...

heartbroken...

Other words that could be added are...

disbelief...
anger...
foolishness...
AND
complete & utter sadness...

These are the feelings running through our household this weekend after the news was delivered by the birthmom that she was "not going through with the adoption" to me in a voicemail on Friday evening & then later confirmed in a conversation with her. There may still be an ever so slight glimmer of hope that things could change, but I am definitely not putting any stock in it.

Last week at church our priest's sermon contained the theme "Life is Suffering", unfortunately for us, we have definitely been given our chance to share in that plenty this past year :(

Catch up in 5...

Here are some random & not so random things that have been going on in my life over the past few weeks...

1: Paranoia, paranoia, paranoia~about this whole flu thing & definitely NOT on my part! I am probably in a huge minority, but I have just not been concerned about it. People were paranoid that if they got the shot-the government was out to kill them or at least harm their children in some way, but if they didn't get the shot-then they or their children were going to die from the flu.
Yes, that may be a bit on the extreme end of what they were actually saying, but all my mind was saying was-"I am just not that worried about it..." maybe I should be, but that is how I am-I just don't give those things much thought. I have just never gotten the flu shot ever & it has not been a problem so once I heard that the H1N1 would have been part of the regular flu shot if it had been discovered earlier-I just figured that I wouldn't have worried about getting it anyway had that been the case so why 'spaz out' about all of it.

2: I went ahead & got vaccinated (along with Luke & Scott then a few days later) for H1N1...then I came down with the flu 4 days later. Grrrr! If I had known I was going to catch the 'bug' anyway, I wouldn't have messed with the shot...on a side note though, I am still alive (thus I did not die of the flu) & I have my doubts that I have suffered from any crippling side effects/death from the shot :) Maybe the more paranoid people out there can look upon those two things as a good omen ;)
And NO I don't think I caught the flu from the shot, I'm fairly certain that it probably came from one of the over 200 kids we had been sending home sick from school the week before!

3: I am trying to wrap my brain around the fact that one week from today maybe I will be holding another little baby in my arms & I am still ever more hopeful that I will be able to bring that little baby home to raise as one of my own...

4: You do NOT want to know how messy my house is & just HOW much of it I am planning on trying to tackle of the next 4-5 days!

5: If I can make it through the next week & a half without totally becoming insane~I will consider that one of my best accomplishments ever :) Along with that, I really have to refrain from saying "Oh really, is it?" everytime someone says "NEAT!" or "Well you will just have the perfect family then-one boy, one girl!" everytime this adoption gets discussed. First of all, 'neat' is not the word I would use to describe the circumstances that this birthmom has found herself in-choosing not to raise yet another child because of her circumstances-huge amounts of guilt & anxiety on her part are more like it, definitely NOT 'neat'. The second statement always leads me to wonder that if things had worked out with Baby E over the summer-would we not have had a 'perfect' family by having 2 boys, plus what happens down the road if this all works out & we choose to add another sibling to our brood~will our family become less "perfect"?
Oh, the things that send my mind into "rant" mode-the list is endless! :)

I apologize for the ranting, but it really is where I am at right now & hopefully, things will begin to happily calm down soon. Thanks for sticking with me & I'll try to keep you posted as often as possible of the next 2 weeks with whatever happens!

Life...

is currently causing me to want to do this:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

right now, so please bear with me on the lack of recent posts & here's to hoping that I can get some posts up this weekend to catch you all up a bit on most recent going ons.

A little luck & some prayers wouldn't hurt any either ;)

P.S. It seems that I have managed to survived the flu that had me down earlier in the week & baby is set to arrive in 11 days if things can stay on the right track.

Part 2: A Tale of Running

So over this past month or so that word "Chicken" has been floating around in my head along with the fact that my sister said that she thought she was running up to about 2 miles at a time...

WHAT???

2 Miles~how long has she been doing this? I was either much wiser by taking it slower (because I know she hadn't been doing it as long yet as I had done it last winter) or I was being a pansy! :)

Anyway, so I kept throwing around the idea of starting to run again, but hadn't really done anything about it until 2 1/2 weeks ago...

I had been walking again for a few weeks by this point so I figured that I could start doing a little running when I was out on my walks.

So I started out on my regular walk & picked a very short distance to run between as I passed it going from & back to my house...I ran that short distance both ways and...Wait a second...that was easy, much easier than last winter...maybe I'm not as out of shape as I was imagining that I am...interesting!

A day or two later I tried it again, but with a little bit longer distance & the same thing occurred...hmmmm...& then the same thing happened again when I broke out my Pilates video, which is always a bit of a killer the first time or two-this time though...no problem...

So getting back into this running thing & thinking that I was going to be waaay out of shape for it has not been so bad & then I realized...

CRAP: TIME CHANGE!

Meaning-if I'm going to keep this up, the only free time I will have very, very soon will be after it is already getting dark or is dark...

"Chicken, chicken, chicken..."

I decided that I better just bite the bullet & try running outside again & that day came last Monday night...TO BE CONTINUED... ;)

A Tale of Running...

So last winter, I decided to start trying to run. I took it slow by following a walk/run routine & had built up to running probably about a mile during a 30 min walk/run. I loved running in the cold weather, but once it started warming up again-I let myself stop-no good reason for it either except laziness, I guess.

So a while back, I went shopping with my sisters & mom & my sister, Emily, mentions that she has started running.

I said: "Oh...I used to do that & keep thinking that I need to start up with it again-I've been walking, but not running yet. When do you find the time to run, you can't take all of the girls?" (If you're new or just don't remember-she has 3 girls ages 3, 2 & 8 1/2 months so she is VERY busy :)

She replies: "I run at night after Eric gets home, 8:30 is about the only free time I have."

Me: "Run at night? Yeah, I tried that for about a week last winter(only I was running in the morning when it was still dark), but then I let my imagination get the better of me, imagining all of the different things that could happen-deer running out of the woods into me, a skunk coming out of nowhere, possums-need I say more..."

She said: "So, in other words, you chickened out?" (Have I mentioned before that we only have a 16 month age gap, so we have always been a bit competitive ;)

And that is where this story will have to just sit & wait until another post so as they always say on TV...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Fun Friday!

The video itself is really not that exciting, but oh how I love this song! :)




Is confession necessary just for listening to it? ;)

It's that time of month again!

Umm...not that time of month-I mean ICLW week :)

So welcome back if you've been here before & WELCOME if you are new to the place, please feel free to stroll around for a bit!

Here is a "quick" introduction of some things you might like to know...

10

It's October, which means it's fall & my favorite time of year!

9

Is September (my birthday month & is now the official last number in my age-29)

8

Is probably my favorite number-no reason why though

7

Days each week that our son keeps us on our toes!

6

Years of marriage to my wonderful husband, Scott

5

Months until I am blessed with another niece or nephew

4

Days of working at school this week-Yippee! :)

3

Adoptions that we have attempted-1 successful, 1 failed, 1 in progress

2

The age of my super son, Luke

1

Month left until baby's due date!

Bet my mother never had to say this!

Tonight I said something that I was pretty sure that I would NEVER hear myself say as a mother.

Oh sure, I expected the "Get your finger out of that!", "Don't eat that-it's poop!" or even "Put that cat back outside!" But never what I heard myself say tonight...

[Get ready, now insert your best "mother/teacher/any authoritaryish figure" voice]

"You better sit back down in your chair if you want any more lettuce!"

Yep, you read that right "lettuce"-I swear the kid thinks that stuff is candy :)

To All My "Blogstalkers" :)

I like to refer this song as the "Stalker Song" so in honor of any of you "blogstalkers" out there (myself included because I do just as much of this myself too) :D here it is...the Stalker Song...

Weekend Get-away

This weekend we traveled many hours via minivan for a quick trip to the South...

The Highlights:
*Having our first ever face-to-face visit with Luke's birthmom since Luke's birth, needless to say, it went very well & has helped to ease some of the apprehension that we had been left with from Luke's birth/hospital stay
*Getting to visit with Scott's sister, Mary, & her main squeeze, Dan
*Finding out that Luke is way NOT scared of people in big animal/mascot costumes
*Watching Luke try to coax a cat (who is quite frightened of children apparently) out from under a bed
*When the 2 year old in the vehicle repeats things he hears in the adults' conversations & the phrase he continually repeats is "the roof, the roof" & at least 3 adults in the said vehicle then think about & discuss teaching the 2 year old to say "The roof, the roof is on fire!"
*Luke & his Aunt Mary looking for monkeys in her closet
*Aunt Mary & "uncle" Dan setting high standards for the nephew by trying to encourage him into a career of table dancing (BTW-thanks for trying to help out with the college fund ;)

Surprises:
*Luke did AWESOME with the super long car rides both ways (we're talking 9ish hours) AND that is without any forms of electronic entertainment (unless you count the Toddler Tunes CD that got played only a couple of times on the van stereo!) It was just good old fashioned fun-naps, watching the scenery, looking for semis, reading books & just plain old goofiness on the parts of everyone in the car :) It is nice to know that all of the "stuff" we people need to keep ourselves entertained just really isn't that necessary sometimes, plus it made for lots of great bonding time! ;)
*I was not surprised about being nervous for the meeting with Luke's birthmom, but I was surprised at the immediate relief/lack of nervousness that I felt once we were all actually face-to-face. It was almost surprising to believe that it had actually been over 2 years since we had all seen each other & it surprised me at just how unbashful Luke was towards all of them (especially since he has a tendency to be that way when meeting new/different people.)
*That all of a sudden I realize that this baby is due in only 6 1/2 weeks & could most likely be here right around a month from now & CRAP I have done absolutely nothing yet to prepare for a baby to actually come home with us!!! Maybe I should start thinking about that :)

The Grapevine...

So quite awhile back I promised some announcements...

As far as "other people's news" that is related to me-I am going to be an AUNT again!!!
My 'little' sister Beth & her husband, Neil, are expecting a baby this spring-we're all keeping or fingers crossed for a smooth pregnancy & a healthy baby. She comes from a family of girls & him a family of boys-even all of the biological grandkids (aka my sister Emily's girls & Neil's brother's boys) so far in both of the families are following the same trend. It will be interesting to see, which "trend" will continue & which will be broken (And I sure hope they don't mind that I have shared this with the whole blogging world now!) :D

As far as news directly related to us, well...

We are working with another birthmother who is due towards the end of November!

Honestly, we have known about this situation since before "Baby E" was born, but were unwilling to act on anything related to it until we knew how that adoption would turn out. Unfortunately, that adoption did not go as we were hoping so we acted upon this one immediately when that happened-even so, the "Baby E" situation was probably the hardest thing that we have endured in our marriage to date. It was tough, but at the same time we were also aware that this particular birthmother was still interested in us as parents for her baby. It acted as a distraction from what had happened, but it definitely was no "magic cure" for our sadness from losing "Baby E". At the time though it did kind of feel like that's what people thought, since most would only ask about the circumstances surrounding the 'new' baby & would never dare to ask about what had actually happened up to that point.
But that is all in the past now, those feelings do still bubble up on occasion, but they have been replaced more & more lately with excitement as the due date approaches. They are very much mixed with apprehension-what if this happens again? Will we even be able to afford to try again soon if it doesn't? Why does it have to be so hard? Scott has already said that we are "heading to a beach for Christmas" if it doesn't go! :) Peace, Love & Joy~I'm not sure we would be feeling it at that point, but nothing has been decided yet so until then we hold on to Hope that maybe we'll have a baby in our arms & a sibling for Luke this year yet!

Things that are "important" to know about this adoption:

*Birthmom is Luke's biological mother so the baby will actually be Luke's genetic 1/2 sibling (please refrain from leaving any "neat" "cool" "so good for Luke" comments-they are making my ears tired in real life only because it makes me wonder about our society & the importance that is placed on "blood" ;)
*She lives out-of-state so (like with Luke's birth) we are looking at having to spend the first several weeks of baby's life living many hours away from our home & much of our family-still trying to figure out whether we should do this with/without Luke in tow for the entire time
*Scott doesn't have much time built up yet in his job, which means we can't afford for him to have many unpaid days off, especially with a newborn to care for
*Birthmom's story is definitely NOT the "rosy" picture that everyone always imagines-her life has been hard, therefore, the way she interacts with us/attornies/agency workers at times can be very trying/difficult-yet we know that she is only trying to decide what the best decision is for her baby. I do not judge her or her actions, but I DO hope that some of the things we are dealing with for her will all be worth it in the end...

BTW (Mom & Dad, I know you read this so those letters mean "by the way" ;)
The baby is supposed to be a girl! :)

"Make Me Think" Mondays

Question #1: "For a person you loved deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country knowing there would be little chance of seeing your friends or family again?"

Yes, if the reasons for moving were very important. Now if the reason was "just because" then I would probably have to give it more thought.

In this day & age, with all of the technology at our hands-I think it would still be very tough to move far away, but as long as there was still some way to maintain contact with them-I think I could handle the move. I would also have to assume that eventually new friendships would develop in this new place so it might not be such a lonely move in the end, but those old friendships & family connections would still mean a great deal to me.

I also realize that I would not have these exact same family & friend connections that I would be leaving behind if my own ancestors & theirs had not made this very same difficult decision many, many years ago themselves.

So, what are your thoughts please :)

Wordless Wednesday: Daddy's Hand

Tuesday's Soapbox: Facebook, Friend or Foe?

I admit it...I love Facebook and I hate Facebook.

WHAT?! I don't really think this is anything new, since I have heard this from several other people, but here is my take on it.

I love the ability to connect with long lost friends & to stay "updated" on their lives. On the other hand, I am terrible about keeping my own status updated so if anyone is sitting out there trying to keep tabs on me...they don't really ever hear too much. It seems kind of unfair that I should get to know all about them & they get nothing in return...

I love the games, especially the word games, that are all right there at my fingertips just waiting to be played, but then when I begin to play them somehow time is sucked right out of the universe & a whole evening has been wasted doing nothing but playing games (of course this is all after the child has been taken care of~no worries about neglect here).

I love "Facebook stalking" or in other words-hopping around to check different peoples' profiles, but never acknowledging the fact that I was ever there...hmmm...sounds sinister doesn't it ;)

I love that you can write on someone's "wall", but I hate that sometimes it seems that the things people write may have been better off in an email (which is available on Facebook for any of you FB novices out there) & not published for the whole world to read & participate in.

As I said above, I love the ability to be able to connect with others, but I hate not knowing what to do if I don't want to connect with someone who wants to connect with me (this really hasn't happened to me but once or twice, but you know how I like to think about the "what if's" in life :)

And a final word...

PICTURES~truly some things should NOT be shared for the whole world to see unless you truly don't care if people think less of you or you don't care if prospective/current employers are checking it out & some profile pics always leave me wishing that I could control the world & what pictures people decide to post to "represent" themselves.

If only I could control the world... :D

Anyway, please feel free to leave your own thoughts below~I always love visits from/with my readers! :)

Disclaimer: "Tuesday's Soapboxes" are not meant to be offensive-Comments I make are not directed at any one person or group, but are just my thoughts on whatever topic I choose for that particular Tuesday. The topics may range from serious in nature to just downright silly. As always, I appreciate hearing what you have to say about them, however, I am not here to start any 'debates'. Thanks for reading & I hope you enjoyed :)

Goodbye Old Friend!

Earlier this month, we said goodbye to Scott's car...it moved on to a new home & someone who can put it to much better use. I must say that I was very excited about all of it after it was all said & done, but my husband was a little sad.

*This car was his first & only "brand new" car that he purchased.
*This car was a "cool" car~nothing makes a man feel "cool" better than a minivan ;)
*It sat & felt like a race car when you rode in it.

I was happy because...

*This car only had 2 doors~not very practical with children/carseats/etc.
*This car was going to need some money dumped into it to be very reliable for a family
*This car made #4 sitting in our driveway with the addition of Scott's work car-definitely not necessary!
*I disliked that it sat & felt like a race car when you rode in it. (Keep in mind, I am 6 feet tall & it was very low to the ground!)

And then I remembered...

*This car was what Scott took me on our first date in.
*This car was where the topic of "marriage" first occurred.
*This car has been connected to many very special moments that occurred during our first 5ish years of marriage as well as our dating years.

So then I was a little bit sad to see it go...

but I am still much more happy than sad to see it gone! ;)

Time, Where do you Go?

Dear Time,

I think of you as a good friend, but somehow you are always evading me...

I always think that I have so much of you, but then it seems there is never enough of you to go around...

It doesn't seem like so long ago that I was a child & knew that you & I would be together for a long while, but here we are with almost 3 decades spent together & I still feel that way, yet I wonder more than I use to about just how long that while will actually be...

You are a fooler, I think of my "little" man & how he is still so young-then I remember when we first brought him home & we had to swaddle him in blankets to even get him to fit in the infant seat safely...he is not so little anymore & I know that somehow I will be fooled by you into believing that these "days" will last forever, but soon enough he will be a grown man the very age I am now & I will be left to wonder about where these days went...

I've also learned that you have made me wiser. I am much wiser now than I was just a few short years ago & even way more so than I was 1/2 my lifetime ago (when we think we "knew it all"). I cherish the wisdom you have given me & I know that I am way more tolerant than I was back then-I've learned that things are not so black & white & I can't wait to see what other lessons you have in store for me...

You're not a racer, even though there are many times it does feel like you are trying to have me race against you. I know this is not the case, but it is still hard to keep myself from trying to compete against you-I shall try to slow down & just enjoy your friendship...

So, my dear friend time, here's to you-all that you have given me & all that you have left in store for me! May I always appreciate every moment we have together!

Your Friend,
Anita

It's been 365 days since...

I turned 28, which means today I am 29 years old & only have 1 more year left to be carefree & young! [please insert your own sarcasm here :)]

Or at least that is what the media seems to want me to believe it seems.

I have no problem with getting older & it seems hard to imagine being 29 only because I remember being a kid & thinking that I could never imagine being that age-it seemed so grown up...also there were always a lot of shows about the world coming to an end (supposedly) around the years I was going to graduate high school or be in college so it was not something that I had to worry about anyway ;)

But, obviously, here I sit so that did not occur & I CAN imagine myself at this age, but when I'm checking out in the grocery store & see those magazine covers that say something to the effect of "Be Your Best No Matter What Your Age! 30's, 40's, 50's!" it's nice to know that I still have at least one good year left!

It's a little disturbing to know that next year all of a sudden I get bumped up into an "older" category for magazines, survey age groups, etc, but I can honestly say that life is getting better with each year that passes so bring on the "old" age! :)

Fun Friday: Gotta Love Roger!

Be Happy! Just do it, do it, do it! :)

The Types of Things I Think About...

I'm not sure if you all are really ready for this trip inside my head, but these truly are the types of things that I think & wonder about sometimes...BEWARE~you've been warned~it's still not too late to stop reading & I PROMISE that none of these thoughts are intended to be derogatory towards any group of people-it's just the type of stuff I think about :)

This morning while I was getting ready for work my mind began to wander as it always does, but this morning my mind wandered into a little bit different territory. I began thinking about the "pioneer" days & shaving. I was thinking about how it seemed like the majority of the men back in those days had facial hair, but that they could go to a barber for a shave if they wanted one. That led me to wondering about the indians & how I don't ever recall having seen a picture of a Native American with facial hair. For that matter, I've also never seen a picture of a Native American with chest hair while walking around or riding a horse. This led to the questions...Were they shaving it all off in order to be hairless or were/are they just genetically predisposed to not having hair on their faces & chests? & Why did the white guys want to be so hairy because it mostly seems to be the opposite nowadays?

These are the kinds of questions that never get asked in history class & maybe never anywhere else except in my head ;) I hope none of you got lost in there & if anyone knows the answers, oh please, feel free to fill me in :)

Wordless Wednesday: Goodbye Summer!

"Make Me Think" Monday

So I picked up this little book yesterday at the picnic I mentioned in an earlier post & it gave me an idea for a series of posts. The book is called The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D. & it is stocked full of all kinds of questions designed to make people think & to promote conversations about topics that are sometimes deemed "uncomfortable" or "difficult" for polite conversation. I am going to tackle a question from the book each week until I get tired of doing it or I run out of questions :) I am excited to hear what other peoples' thoughts are on these questions-there are no right or wrong answers-please feel free to leave me a comment with your thoughts on the questions. If anyone wants to do a post about a question one week, please leave me a link to it in the comment section. Here it goes...

Since today is the 7th, I will go with Question #7:

"Do you think that the world will be a better or a worse place 100 years from now?"

Honestly, I think that it will probably be about the same as it is now. I think that in regards to medical & technological advances, yes, the world will probably be "better" in a sense that there will be better medicines (maybe less disease) & faster ways of communicating with one another, but I don't think that those things make for a "better" place by themselves. I think that people in general are probably always going to be about the same. I think that we like to believe that we are a better people than we were hundreds or even thousands of years ago, but I think that when it comes right down to it society is going to be what it is. Countries & people will always find something to argue about or want something that the other one has. There have always been people in the world who will sacrifice their own needs for the needs of others & there will always be people in the world who are looking for some way to take advantage or to exploit these people. That same scenario carries out again & again within all levels~families, towns, cities, states, countries, etc until it ends up effecting global relations. I do not believe that within the next 100 years there will be some kind of "magic wand" that makes this different, but I can always HOPE that it will happen someday & that my words here will be proven wrong :) If we could all just start looking out for someone else's interests besides our own, the world could be a much better aka 'nicer & gentler' place and maybe those 'differences' we use to keep ourselves separated & to judge others wouldn't be such a big deal anymore.

Your thoughts please... :)

Luckier Than Grandma?

When it comes to church picnics & luck, my mom is one of the luckiest people I know. It seems like she is always winning something from the raffles of those she & dad attend. And I can hardly remember a time win she has left a picnic without first having won a cake from whatever kind of "cake stand" is there. Unfortunately (for my dad anyway), this luck does not seem to carry over to lottery tickets or casino boats! :)

Yesterday, we attended a local church picnic. While I was retrieving Luke's bag from my parents who had kept him overnight, I told Scott to take Luke to the cake stand to waste time & maybe, just maybe we would win a cake, but probably not since we usually don't. I came walking back around the building with Luke's bag looking for Scott at the cake stand, but they were nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, I heard my name being called & there was my husband & son walking towards me with...2 CAKES!

I could not believe it & asked Scott if they had actually won both of them (what other scenario I thought had occurred~I have no idea :) Scott said "Yep, 2 quarters, 2 pulls...2 cakes. Luke might be luckier than Grandma when it comes to winning cakes!"
Now if only his 'powers' carry over to lottery tickets & casino boats... ;)

Where, Oh Where Have I Been?

Obviously not blogging!

Getting back into the swing of things has not been as easy as I was expecting. The school day is fine, it's the hours between work & sleep that seem to not be getting any smoother yet. I am SOOO hoping that Scott's schedule will start settling down sometime very soon so that I can actually feel like I still have a husband! Not only do I miss him & his help, but Luke seems to be having a bit of a hard time too. He keeps waking up during the night (which definitely helps me to get into a good routine during the day, NOT!) asking for "Daddy". Fortunately, most of those times Scott has been home, but then he isn't getting sleep either if his only quality time is spent with Luke in the middle of the night & in the morning to drop him off at the sitter's. Thankfully, Scott did make it home ALOT earlier tonight (9 p.m.-still none too early) so maybe he will get a bit more sleep tonight, unfortunately, it was still well past Luke's bedtime :(

Don't get me wrong, we're VERY thankful that Scott found/has a job in these tough times, but it has been tough getting adjusted to such a severe change in schedule. He does really like his job too so that is a bonus, but I think we're all ready for the "slow time" to hurry up & get here already! :) Until it does though, I'll try not to whine about it here anymore ;) because there really are quite a few exciting things going on around here~Luke's birthday this weekend & several other pieces of news (ours & more) that aren't quite ready to be shared here yet, but soon very soon...what a tease, I know! It is hard for me to concentrate on those things though when life is as I stated above. I mean I haven't even got a cake or the food for the said birthday completely nailed down yet & the party is in 2 days, but it'll all come together even if it does mean all we might end up eating is corn dogs & twinkies! :)

(Don't worry, I'll make sure I do a better job than corn dogs & twinkies! Sorry ICLW visitors that things have been so lame around here this week~I'll try to stop by & visit you at some point, but it may not be anytime during the next few days~thanks so much for stopping by though! And for all of my blogging buddies out there, please don't give up on me, I hope to be back regularly very soon!)

The Big 3-0!

As in my parents' 30th wedding anniversary that is~Congrats Mom & Dad!

I know that I truly take for granted just how special this accomplishment is since this is pretty well the standard in my family (immediate & extended). Divorce is just not something that has happened very much & when I say that I mean that it has only happened (I think?) 3 times in my families, which might sound normal/average until you consider that I have 14 biological aunts & uncles most of whom are married & 56 biological & adopted cousins (1/2 to 3/4 who are also married already!) Add in my parents, both of my grandparents' long marriages, my marriage & my sisters' marriages & that's a whole lot of people with a whole lot of marriage/love experience! I feel blessed to have grown up with so many great examples. That being said, I also realize that the choice to love someone for life is both the easiest & the hardest thing that one will do, but in the end it is so worth it & I hope I am lucky enough to have (at least) 30 years of it too!

How hard can it be with such a great example of two such star-crossed lovers to follow?

Wait a minute...am I still talking about my parents?

I asked mom on the phone tonight "So does it feel like it's been 30 years?"

She replied...
"Sometimes. When your father picks at me, it definitely feels like 30 years-it gets old after awhile you know...he only does it to get a rise out of me because he thinks it's funny, but it's not."

Awwwww...can't you just feel the love :)

(Sorry to pick on you mom~I'm not sure where that comes from ;) Congrats again!

Another Day, Another Dollar

I went back to work today & boy did it feel good to start getting back into a routine again! I love summertime, but I hate the lack of structure because along with it come lazy tendencies, pounds who I hoped were long gone & a feeling of not quite being connected to the world around me.

It will take a few weeks to get totally adjusted back to the routine, but it will be worth it & I am ready for it. Now if Luke & I can just get Scott's schedule to calm down a bit so that we can see him for more than just 20 minutes in the morning (& yes that would be a good 'average' of the total time each day we see him for the past few weeks) than life would be even better. ;)

Name Change?

Earlier this week, I heard this...

Luke: "Lucas" "Lucas" "Lucas"...

(I thought to myself "Is he saying 'Lucas'?")

Me: "Lucas?"

Luke: (grinning really big-he does this when we finally "get" what he is saying) "Lucas!" "Lucas!" "Lucas!"

Me: "Do you want to change your name to Lucas?"

Luke: (sly smile) "Nooooh!" (fits of giggles)

Me: (laughing) "You're a silly kid!"

No idea where "Lucas" came from out of the blue for him, but he has continued to do it occasionally & every time when I ask him, I get the same reaction...toddlers can be so interesting sometimes :)

La La Land

Do you ever just feel like your floating through life?

That is kind of how I feel this week...

I have so many things that I want/need to get done this week, but I can't quite seem to motivate myself to focus on any one thing...

Oh sure, many of these things are getting done, but other things are getting pushed to the wayside, for example, the blog postings I could be writing...

By the way, school starts next week on Monday. Am I ready? Yeah, but my mind hasn't quite grasped that it is next week yet, however, based on several of my coworkers reactions I can definitely tell that I am in the minority because I am actually eager for the school year to get started this year & I don't feel as if summer sped by far too quickly! :)

And, oh yeah, Luke's birthday (at the end of the month) is coming up far too quickly too...I can't believe he will be 2 years old soon. Am I ready for any of the stuff that comes along with celebrating a birthday? It has actually not even hardly been on my radar until it was kind of 'forced' there this weekend~oh my poor child! :) It also makes me think about how 2 years ago today, we still weren't even for sure that we would really get the chance to become parents, but I am so glad that we did~the journey & all that has come along with it thus far has been so worth it!

Here's hoping that I can get my act together for the rest of the week & the busy weekend ahead!

Fun Friday!

Just two pieces of evidence...



AND



why none of our future children will ever be named Carlton! Much to the dismay of my father-in-law, Carl :)

I promise...

that I am still around. The following have not occurred...

I have not been abducted by aliens...

I have not mysteriously disappeared into the Witness Protection Program...

And I have not forgotten that I am a blogger :)

I will be back & hopefully have some new stuff written by tomorrow.

I mean there is the matter of an award to attend to~thanks Michelle & some other things that have been on my mind recently or that have occurred that I need/want to write about, but until then please don't give up on me-I will return! :)

Wait a sec-what is that spinning thing with flashing lights hovering above my house...just kidding! ;)

I SURVIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who: Me, Scott & Luke

What: An afternoon out & about

Where: The local city pool

It was very strange for me, but I did it & I survived!

Inquiring readers may want to know...

Why: Walking into the changing room where I was greeted by 2 students, luckily I was still fully dressed & they didn't seem to find it strange at all, but I KNEW there would be more...

I got into the pool with Luke (who loved it by the way! His dad & I were both excited for this after an experience or two from last summer) & then I heard it...

"Is that her? That looks like Mrs. S! No, that can't be her."

Me (trying not to look, but then I did & YES they were some of my students from last year): "Hello boys, hope you're having a good summer."

"Oh my gosh! It is her! My mom doesn't even come to the pool!"

Oh, they eventually came closer to check out Luke, but the only thing I could think was that I sure hope they weren't traumatized by seeing one of their teachers in a bathing suit & we're going to an out-of-town pool next time! :)

I say Potayto, You say Potahto

This is my new short little version of this song...

I say "Potayto", you say "Potahto"
I say "Tomayto", you say "Tomahto"
I say "Holy Cow", you say "Kocky Cow"*
I say "Holy Moly", you say "Tony Monies"*

*Thanks Luke for giving us some great 'new' versions of these phrases! ;)

To be young again...

There are so many things as adults that we have to worry about, that sometimes it seems like it might be better to be a carefree, young child again.

For instance, playing outside is so much better when you're not concerned about...

*the fact that the dirt you are getting ready to play in is actually full of dog or cat poop
*remembering to protect yourself from harmful UV rays
*that the friendly "spider" you're about to touch is actually your friendly neighborhood stinging wasp/bee/hornet
*the cars that go flying by on that "road" you're trying soooo hard to get to
*trying new outdoor cuisine aka rocks/grass/dirt/bugs/pet hair

Never mind, I think I'll keep all of those things I need to worry about if it means I also get to keep the wisdom that comes along with age ;)

Progress Report

How have things been going?

Well, fine & actually really well considering how our summer got started & which is going to end much differently than we had hoped it would just 2 short months ago.

Is there a "bright spot" (we hope!) on the horizon? Yes, but it isn't quite the right time for us to discuss it here just yet. Don't worry~ I will update when it seems fitting, but just not yet...

Adoption loss is an odd circumstance to deal with...

On one hand, we knew about the baby for almost 1/2 the pregnancy & along with his birthmom, we grew to love him even though we knew that losing him was a very real possiblity. I was able to watch him being born. We cared for him in the hospital, in our home & were able to spend 3 (1 in the hospital & 2 at home) wonderful nights with him. We loved him.

On the other hand, there are lots of people who have no idea it even happened or maybe they just choose to act like they no nothing about it. Either way, it leads to some very awkward feelings & conversations at times. Some may even think that he was never really ever our child anyway or wasn't our child 'yet' so it wasn't a big deal. In fact, it's not like the child died so it can't be that bad, right?

Wrong.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around crying all of the time or drowning in my own sorrows. Nope, I have picked myself up & have moved on, but sometimes my mind just likes to drag its feet behind :)

Yes, we do have a 'bright spot' that could bring lots of sunshine with it, but with it also comes all of those lingering thoughts...

Baby E was my son & in lots of ways he still is in my heart. I am still thinking about him & his welfare. I am hoping that his mom is getting along well & is receiving any help that she might need to give him the best life. In fact, I heard something the other day on the radio about GED classes & she was the first thing that popped into my head. I wondered if she had heard it, if she would want to know about it, if it would be weird if I made a call to her to let her know...

After Baby E was born, Scott & I were very concerned about making sure that she would still feel included in his life...pictures, phone calls, visits if she so chose, etc, but once the pendulum swung back the other way-the thought of us being kept updated is not really considered an option...I mean it's not like we're biologically connected or anything.

But, emotionally, I am & I'm not really sure what to do about it...any scenario I can come up with just seems odd.

It is as if a friendship you have worked so hard for & to build up, was all of a sudden ripped out from under you with the friend never looking back & all you're left with is a few pictures & your memories...

And many times I am left wondering...

if he will ever even know anything about us & how we loved him.

Husbands Say the Darndest Things! :)

Oh, my poor dear husband & the things he says sometimes! (& sometimes it is just how my brain interprets it :)

I went to a baby shower today for a friend of mine & when I arrived home,

Scott said: "How about we go on that B-I-C-K ride now?"

Me: (smiling & laughing a bit) "A what?"

Scott: "Oh, I mean a B-I-K-E ride."

Me: "That sounds much better than a 'bick ride' to me!" :) (poor guy has such grammar & spelling issues~I really shouldn't give him such a hard time!)

Then, later, when we were all out on the porch & he was grilling supper, he says...

"Sassy is licking up the pea juice." (Did you say it out loud & hear what it sounds like?)

Me: "She's doing what?"

Scott: (this time he was laughing) "She's licking up the pea juice, the peas boiled over."

Me: "Oh! I was wondering what in the world was going on over there & that is definitely NOT what I was picturing! ;)

"You Light Up My Life" Sunday 7/26/09 edition

This person is a good friend.
This person LOVES to talk & is easy to talk to.
She is a good wife & mother.
She is creative.
If I ever needed anything done "just so" right down to the little details, she'd probably be one of the first people I'd call :)
She has given me 3 super little people to be an aunt to, one of which is my awesome & only godson!
This person can make yummy cookies & loves to bake all kinds of goodies.
If I ever need a picture from any family gatherings, I can pretty much guarantee that she will have taken one at some point that I can borrow! ;)
This person loves to read too & is always willing to give me a suggestion for 'what to read next'!
She is a great aunt to the only nephew she has ;)

So, here's to my sis-in-law, Jenny~I love ya!

Fun Friday: "I know what I'm doing is gross, but..."

Enjoy & yes, I do use this rule a lot :) My line is always "It will help build up your immunity!"

The line in the title of this post, which is from the video pretty well sums it all up though ;)

"Yesterday"

On Monday, Luke & I decided to have a 'fun day' with my sister & two of my nieces aka "Aunt Beth"/Melissa & Megan. It was a great afternoon & my niece, Melissa, enjoyed telling us about all kinds of things she had done 'yesterday'. As her mom (my sister Emily) says, "Everything happens 'yesterday'." Here is a little bit of what we heard...

"Anita, yesterday my mom did a cartwheel in the yard."

"Yesterday, I won a green necklace." (this is only one of the few statements that actually did happen the day before :)

"Did you know that I was really sick yesterday, but I am better now?" (hmmm...she seemed perfectly healthy when I saw her the day before)

"We came here before, my mom brought us here yesterday!" (talking about the park we took the girls to)

"Yesterday, my mom bought us candy in town."

Somehow, I just don't really see my sister having indulged her children with all of these things 'yesterday' ;) Maybe at some point in the last several months or year, but definitely not all in ONE day. I guess I'll give the child a break being she is only 3!

It's ICLW week again!

It's that time again & I want to welcome any new readers & all of my returning readers~thanks for reading my stuff :)

I've never done this for ICLW week, but I have seen things like it on others' blogs so here is a little history for all of you. New readers, I hope you like what you see & will maybe decide to become a regular reader and to all of my "regulars" (even the blogstalkers out there ;) I hope you don't mind this little stroll down memory lane, just in case you missed something the first time around! ;)

The beginning of Faith, Hope & Poop?

Some of my favorite things

The first post with a comment! (Trust me I was very excited when this happened :)

Almost 2 years ago now...

Almost 2 months ago now & then this happened so I shared this & there will be an update this week in regards to "how I am doing?"

How the Sunday thing got started.

One of my favorite adoption 'educatin' posts

And now for some fun stuff ;)

I pulled this "Luke post" out of the archives

Yep, this & this are me

My mom could not have been prouder when I exposed this to the world :)

And I'll end this lovely post with a question & its answer!

Hope you enjoyed your visit & come back again soon :)

I'm a Maniac!

A baking maniac that is!

With our church picnic tomorrow~I am now baking up a storm & hoping to get my house cleaned up a little better. 3 cakes baking & getting ready to start on 3 pies-then maybe clean floors just in case we have any visitors stop in tomorrow :)

One of my cakes is for any guests who may stop by (that's one thing my grandma has instilled into my head-always have food on hand for guests!) I made one just like it for the picnic too, but sshhhh let's just say it fell apart a little bit, but it will still look very nice once I am done with it ;) I apologize in advance if any of you happen to win it-that means you mom! My mom can win a cake anywhere she goes-I'm not really sure how dad hasn't won the lottery yet with her luck at winning cakes & raffle prizes :)

Well, I better be off...I think one of my timers is going off so it's back to the baking grindstone-poor me :) just kidding!

Enjoy this little diddy in honor of all of us preparing for our picnic this weekend...

"Running Record" Thursday

Books # 22, 23 & 25 all by Laura Ingalls Wilder Little Town On the Prairie, These Happy Golden Years & The First Four Years

Yes, that means that I finally finished this series, after attempting it several different times during my life up to this point & always giving up somewhere in the middle of Farmer Boy~I finally did it! :) I enjoyed these books & reading about Laura's life & felt that they got a little bit more interesting with each book as she became a little bit older. I was also pleased to see the reappearance of Nellie Olsen because I was beginning to wonder if their paths had only crossed for one short time in their lives, but yet they plucked her character from that experience to turn her into the Laura's 'nemesis' for the TV show. It was good to know that in "real life" Laura knew her fairly well even if they didn't get along all that well.

Book # 24 The Invisible Wall: A Love Story That Broke Barriers by Harry Bernstein

I found this book to be an intriguing read. On one side of the street lived Christians & on the other side of the street were Jews. Neither side ever really mixed with the other that the author could recall, except for several times when news was received of a death or in times of rejoicing during WWI. Once, when it was found out that one of the Jewish girls was seeing one of the Christian boys-her family sent her to Australia to live with relatives so that she could avoid the "death" that would occur if it had continued. As the author remembers, this is the attitude that was held on this street, in Europe, in those days surrounding World War I. His book is the story of his sister & her Christian boyfriend who later became her husband & how his family, the neighborhood & he himself as a young boy reacted to their relationship AND how it ended up helping to bring them all together again too, if only for a little while.
I thought this book was great & enjoyed the fact that the author was in his 90's when this book finally got published & saw some success. He did a wonderful job of telling his family's story & I hope to be able to read his follow-up book sometime soon. This book does make me think though that it is silly the "things" we use to keep each other apart & divided~aren't we all HUMAN beings after all. Why don't we start treating each other that way then?

Water...what's the difference?

I bet you thought this post was going to be about the bottled water vs tap water debate that was in the news earlier this week, WRONG, guess again! :)

Fill his sippy cup with water & you get the response..."Water." "No, thing else?" aka 'something else?'

Fill up a "big person" cup with water & he can't hold himself back from drinking it AND he'll ask for more!

Okay, well that makes a little sense, since maybe he is wanting to do what we're doing, but you just never can predict what moment he will decide to dump the whole thing on the floor either!

AND...

What about not being able to get enough of trying to suck the water out of any wash cloth we use to wipe his face after meals & trying to drink his bathwater all of the time?

Personally, I find it a little gross & say "Hey kid, just drink the water out of the sippy cup already & we'll both be happier!" (Well at least your mother will be :)

Lazy Day!

Sorry I just don't feel like typing today so here's a video, Enjoy! :) (I love this guy!)

"You Light Up My Life" Sunday 7/12/09 edition

That's right~it's back, finally! Enjoy :)


This person is fun to be around.
This person is a super friend & she likes to use the word "super" about as much as I do :)
She is the only reason I have ever felt the need to actually have to 'get out quick' from a bar.
This person can always make me smile no matter how I am feeling.
This person is a great listener.
Sometimes I think God made us friends because we both love to gossip so much~oh, wait-he doesn't like that, never mind ;)
I love that we can tell each other anything & never have to worry about the other one being offended.
She is a great mother to her kids & wife to her husband.
I like that she lives close & is always up for a walk when the need arises.
I am thankful everyday that somehow we became roommates because I would hate to think what a wonderful friendship I would have missed out on if we would not have been!

So, here's to you, Lora~I love ya & thanks for being such a super friend! :)

What did they just say?

Last night I enjoyed an evening out with my sisters & a few of our cousins (& yes, without any kids along!) Have I mentioned that Luke & I have been getting loads of quality time lately, not that I don't enjoy it mind you, but it does get a little wearing having only (an almost) 2 year old to talk to all day long :)
Anyway, it was neat to think that I had known each one of these people their entire lives, well except for one of them-I wonder what she was like for the whole DAY she was around before I arrived into this world ;) It was a fun time with lots of great conversation-at least from our perspective, others around us may have wondered "what did they just say?"

Here are a few snippets from our lovely conversations last night & I'll just leave the rest to your imaginations :)

*"If they're so intent on it, just let them eat the poop."

*"Cat food is nutritious, right?"

*"He on my B-list right now!"

*"Never honk your horn at a moose!"

*"Eating walrus fat & no banks = living in Alaska"

*"It's better to keep them stupid for as long as possible!"

Good times, good times! :)

It ain't easy being green...

with a toddler in the house!

1. Saving Electricity by turning off the lights (only if that means he can turn them back on again really quick over & over & over.) Also, does doing the same thing with the dimmer switches for the lights & ceiling fans count too?

2. Reducing paper waste-this does mean that it is okay to just randomly tear off unused pieces of toilet paper & throw them in the potty, right?

3. Reduce water usage-but it is okay to let the water run the whole time during a bath & to randomly play with different water faucets after washing hands, on mom & dad's tub while they're getting ready or while brushing his teeth.

4. Lower energy usage-standing with the doors wide open (while the air-conditioning is running) yelling "Here Kitty, Here Kitty" & pushing random buttons on the TV, VCR, DVD player, remote controls, etc should do the job-one can almost hear the pennies being saved & falling into the piggy bank every time you feel the rush of hot air come into the house & when you hear those things clicking on/off, on/off...

Maybe the whole "green" thing isn't going so well here after all, but we'll keep on trying :)

Randomness in July

I apologize for the lack of posts recently-it was partially due to internet wackiness here & partially just me giving other things around here first priority-so I apologize my dear readers :)

1st bit of random:

Scott's new job has been going well, but the hours are super crazy. Last night, he actually got home early enough to spend about 45 minutes with Luke before Luke's bedtime. Most days, thus far anyway, he has really only gotten to see Luke for about 20 minutes in the morning before he has to leave for work so lots of Mommy & Luke bonding time lately.
It has been a big adjustment going from a husband who is here ALL the time to a husband who is here almost NONE of the time, but after about the first week or so-I think we have all adjusted. Although it is hard to remember to tell him important stuff when I only see him maybe an hour a day & then all he wants to do is talk about what he did at work-ugh, gotta love him :) Most importantly, he likes what he is doing thus far & he does still have whole weekends off. This 'crazy' schedule is only supposed to occur during the summer months each year so maybe soon we'll see more of him around these here parts again :)

2nd bit of random:

Yep, I'm that person! I'm one of those people who watched the MJ memorial on TV even though I have only discovered how much of his music I actually knew & liked because he died. Growing up my parents were strictly 'country' people & the rest was just labeled as 'noise' :) When I was at the age where I started branching out & listening to different kinds of music, you can probably guess what happened, he was in the middle of his first scandal. I knew the songs, but never really knew who sang them-I am still that way with lots of songs that I like unless they are country. I probably would have been bawling my eyes out several different times while watching the memorial, if only I wasn't waiting on internet people to show up-could you imagine what they would think when I opened the door if I had been? :) All in all, I thought it was very touching & that this took a great amount of strength on the part of his brother. I was also a bit perturbed by the "fan" that the reporter caught on the way out afterwards who kept saying "it was a great show". Ummm...it was a funeral, not a show-show some respect please!

3rd bit of random:

My little man is making me one proud Catholic mama! :) He can now say the Sign of the Cross & do the motions! Yay! I can honestly say that he is better than me...I put his snack on the table yesterday & he said "Father" (with his hand on his forehead). I said "Oh, you want to pray...okay...let's pray" (all the while thinking 'if only I would pray before every 'snack' I ate during the day too-I might make better choices :) Anyway, it sounds like this "Fadder, Sun, Oly, [mumbles that we can only assume are for 'spirit', A mon"

And that seems as good of a place to stop as any ;)

"Fun" Friday: Wachawdano

"Running Record" Thursday

Book #20 Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella

Lexi Smart awakes one day in the hospital and finds out that she has lost 3 years of her memory. In those 3 years, she has become a totally different person-she has gone from drab to fab, she has a gorgeous husband, lots of money & a whole new set of friends. The only problem, she still feels like the "old" Lexi inside & has no idea how she could have changed so much in such a short amount of time. This book is about Lexi trying to piece together her life, who she was & who she wants to be & is done with a good deal of humor thrown in along the way.

I think I may have found a new favorite author in Sophie Kinsella & can't wait to read another one of her books. This was the 2nd book of hers that I have read & I really enjoyed her humor & the characters she has created. I loved trying to imagine walking through my life right now, but looking at it as I would have 3 years ago...it would be a very strange feeling. I also love the fact that these books are set in Britain, in some way, the phrases they use make everything sound so much more sophisticated. British curse words sound so much nicer than our American words :)

Book #21 The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult

This book is about the Golds and their neighbors, the Hartes, who have been inseparable since becoming neighbors. Eventually, their teenage children, Chris and Emily, begin dating, however, tragedy strikes when seventeen-year-old Emily is shot to death by Chris as part of an apparent suicide pact & the parents realize that maybe they didn't know their children as well as they thought they did.

Although, the subject matter was a bit difficult to read about, I found this book to be a good read. It does make one stop & think "how well do I really know [fill in the blank with your own loved one's name]". These parents felt that they knew their children inside & out, but they really only knew what they wanted to see. It definitely made me think about how I view people & how as a parent I want to know my child's "true" self not just the person I hope he will be. The Jodi Picoult books I have read have all seemed to deal with 'tough' issues, but the way she writes has really drawn me in too to the point that I can never seem to put these books down! :) They also always seem to be done long before I am actually ready to part with the characters & what is going on in their fictional worlds. *sigh* That must be the sign of a good writer-always leaving you ready for more...